A Colorblind World is Still a Blind One

I don't have any great fascination with living in a colorblind world. As I've often said if the world were colorblind then a colored girl like me might be invisible. I think it is better that we all keep our eyes open and engage each other in healthy discussion around the things that effect us whether we are black or white and every hue in between.

That's a big wind up for the picture that was posted in the NY Post today concerning the newly signed Stimulus Bill. Who signed it? President Obama signed the bill and drew this reponse:

Hello Dolly - Buy African American Dolls

Over the weekend I walked into a store not far from my house and was surprised at what I found in the toy department. There was one complete aisle of black dolls, three shelves high of different dolls. There were all types of dolls and I've never seen that many options in one place.

My friend suggested that I purchase as many of them as I could and make them available to other mom's who are having a hard time finding black dolls, so here they are. I've set them up so that you can purchase them through PayPal. They are priced at $18, $22, $25 including shipping.

If you are interested in purchasing more dolls let me know.

Dolls $22 includes shipping


Bonnie Lou Doll in Green (2)

Patti Jo Doll in Red (2)

Cuddle Baby Doll (2)

Talking Dolls $25 includes shipping

Cheerleader Doll (2)
She says a cute little cheer.

Little Miss Muffett (1)
She sings the Little Miss Muffet nursery rhyme.

Dolls $18 includes shipping

Baby Pony Doll (1)

Little Girl Pony Tails (2)

Baby Bath Doll (1)

Baby Swimmer Doll (3)

Children are the Future - Oops!

Let me introduce you to one of America's future leaders (party affiliation aside). I'll add this with only these questions for parents who think there will be no issues.

• Who are his parents and what do they believe or what did they teach him?
  
• What community was he raised in that allowed him to feel comfortable in his boldness?
• Since he feels the issue is that it should not have been said in public does that mean it is still appropriate in private?
• When your child comes home from school and tells you this was said to him, what will you say?

The leader of a statewide group of college Republicans has been forced to resign after posting racially insensitive comments about Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama on the Internet. Adam LaDuca, 21, the former executive director of the Pennsylvania Federation of College Republicans, wrote on his Facebook page in late July that Obama has "a pair of lips so large he could float half of Cuba to the shores of Miami (and probably would.)"

LaDuca, who previously had called Martin Luther King Jr. a "pariah" and a "fraud," also wrote: "And man, if sayin' someone has large lips is a racial slur, then we're ALL in trouble."

LaDuca said Monday that he regrets posting the comments and understands how they can be construed as racist. "In hindsight, when you read it a second time, it's like, 'oops,'" he said. "It was just a dumb move on my part to make a statement like that public."

In My Lifetime!

Today I witnessed what I wasn't sure that I would see in my lifetime. I watched a 50ish year old African American woman lift her glasses and wipe away her tears. Another woman cried, she was too overwhelmed to speak. A young man let the tears stream down his face and he didn't try to wipe them away. I knew just how they felt.

On August 27, 2008 at 5:48pm CST
Barack Obama was nominated as the Democratic candidate for the President of the United States of America.

At 5:51PM CST Barack Obama, the son of Ann Dunham and Barack Obama, Sr.; the husband of Michelle and the father of Sasha and Malia, accepted the nomination.

Those in witness, those who have shared in the struggle, those who believe let the tears roll down their face.

With that one acclimation and that one word "acceptance," the world changed. Now the work begins to see who we might become. This is only the beginning the job now is for those who believe to take this change all the way to the White House.

Yes We Can!

You Must Be Indian!

I was flipping channels and hit Lifetime just in time to hear a man asking a little neighbor boy why he was so dark (he was extremely light to me). The little boy said quickly that he took after his grandfather who was Cherokee Indian. In the story it was later found that the little boy thought to be white, living in an all white town, with white parents had been switched at birth and was actually bi-racial. It was something watching the little boy having to explain why he looked different than the rest of the kids.

I wish I had a dollar for every time I was asked or told, "You must be Indian" The only people that asked this question were black people. It was always a strange question to me and I tried to ignore it. It is true, I guess (even now I still hedge) my grandmother's family was Cherokee, Black and Scottish (so I was told). That never meant anything to me because I didn't look like them and I'd barely met any of them. Race or skin color was a definite issue on my father's side on my mother's side, the only mention is, "the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice."

It was REALLY easy to tell the difference between my mother's family and my father's family. Looking at pictures of my great-grandmother and her siblings, some look mixed, black or even Caucasian. Still, I hated being asked. If I said yes, inevitably there was one person in the (black) group that would say, "All of (us) are mixed with something. It doesn't make you special."

Why was I asked? It had to do strictly with the extremely long length of my hair and the texture. That's it. Since I am very brown, no one ever confused me with being bi-racial. There had to be some explanation and in the Black community. Usually that was being Indian.

Let me introduce you to my relatives, the McCains. This is my great-grandmother and her full-blooded siblings. The last picture is my father with two of his great aunts.






































On the flip side. Going to very white schools, the white kids never took notice of my hair. I don't remember it ever being mentioned. I do remember Officer friendly coming to school telling us to beware of bad men and all the pictures were of black people. I remember being asked if I lived in the ghetto. I remember kids being curious as to whether or not I actually had a father, if all black people could sing, run fast, or talk jive. It didn't take long to figure out these were not considered positive things. So, when the white kids would ask me questions, I would tell them that I couldn't possibly know because I was INDIAN! I just had figured that being Black meant bad and being Indian meant being special or at least a lot less Black.

At my white school I was Indian and Scottish and in my all black neighborhood I tried to just be a Black girl. I actually went through a two-year phase of tucking all of my hair under and pinning it to look like it was short (my mother forbid me to cut it).

Years ago I worked at in an office where they had big St. Patrick's Day celebrations. A co-worker was putting Shamrocks around the office with people's names on them. When he got to me he said, "Oh Valarie we gave you one too, even though you obviously are not Irish." I said, "No I'm not, I'm actually Scottish!" I wish I had a picture of the look on his face.

FOOTNOTE: One of my cousins on the other side of the family saw the pictures before reading the post. She asked me who all the white people were on my page. When I told her they were my father's relatives, surprising she said, "I always wondered exactly what you were. You never looked like the rest of us, you always looked a little foreign or mixed with something." She was very serious and was a little surprised -- still. Still, to me, I just look like a Black girl.

Ethiopians for Obama

Here is an article about Selam Mulgeta an Ethiopian-American hired by the Barack Obama campaign as a field organizer.

Comments from posters

• Selam Mulugetta state of being is an indication of the depth and breadth of the Ethiopians assimilating into the community at large.
• Selam shoulders a unique role by way of represting Ethiopians in diaspora in the election of Obama, possibly the first black American president. I wish her sucess.
• This is a remarkable milestone for those of us who made the new land our home for the last 40 years.

Black List: Organizing for a Cause

In 1980 I was a fourteen year old high school freshman. I was invited to participate in a program called the Center for Leadership Development (CLD). There mission was to empower African American youth so that they could first see the value and potential locked within them. CLD provided training, teaching and inspiring to inspire youth to the highest levels of achievement in academics, college, career and life.

This program was invaluable to me and the lessons that I learned as well as the networks I developed have lasted me a lifetime. Today I still receive gifts and encouragements from CLD. But, CLD is not the only program that touched my life. As an young African American I participated in a great deal of school and community programs; however it was programs sponsored by NAACP, BDPA, Delta Sigma Theta, and INROADS that most positively influenced my life. These organizations not only prepare youth for life and work but they specifically prepare youth to succeed as Black Americans in education, family, corporate, and civic life.

I encourage families to investigate the organizations on this list. You might find that they provide valuable resources to you and your children.

Towards Cultural Fluency
For those who want to increase their cultural fluency I offer a challenge. I've created a workbook exercise around these getting to know these organizations. I am creating ten challenges in what I call 90 Days to Cultural Fluency. If you are interested you can register and access the information.

Here is a list of Black/African American Organizations.

We Can Bridge the Divide

I remember being so excited that so many people were interested in adopting children of color. It wasn't long before I became aware of what many of those challenges might be. I never had an opinion about transracial adoption. Like anything else what maybe right for some will not be right for others. I've come to learn that there are some amazing families with the courage to jump in to cross the divides of race and culture. They are determined to develop positive self-image in their children of different races without negating the historical and cultural realities of our times.

I write about race and adoption not because I am hampered by race but because I am hopeful. I want to have those difficult conversations because these children deserves our best. That means doing the hard work so that it allows them to just be kids. I become somewhat uncomfortable when I hear families talk hope that having a dark child in their family will soften the hearts and open the minds of others. I know what they mean but as Dr. Phil would say, "Children don't need to come into our families with a job." It is not their job as children to open hearts and minds, it might be the result but it is not their job.

Can I say that I don't like the term transracial adoption. What I hope is that we can build culturally fluent families. That's my term -- cultural fluency. When you are other than, the cultural awareness and skills that you must develop to raise an Ethiopian child, an African American child, a Korean, or Guatemalan child are the same. Once a family becomes culturally fluent they can transfer those skills as they experience other cultures.

WE can create a better America (not wanting to be over dramatic but you know what I mean) and a better future for ALL of our children. Black, Asian, Latin, or Indian children are not the only ones hurt by lack of diversity. White children growing up in a bubble don't reach their full potential either. Growing up in a multi-cultural world, white children need to move beyond the limits of comforts, be more open, knowledgeable, and self aware. Not only can we do it, we are the only ones who can! It's the grown-ups that need to bridge the divide that will enable children to create better opportunities for more full lives.

Why did I write this post? I was inspired to write this post because I received a response to an earlier post that I wanted to share. It is responses like this and others that I receive that keep me encouraged.

First, I have to say that I am seeking out more and more information as I journey through the Ethiopian adoption world as a Caucasian person. First, let me say I am a bit angry at myself at my lack of knowledge. What don't we all know about one another, why is there so much divide? I, myself, yearn to learn more about people and I want to look back at myself to see why it is that it took our China adoption and now our Ethiopian adoption to become "interested" more in diversity. Shouldn't we all want to know more about each other and cultures, etc. I am in a wheelchair and I often think how "stupid" people can be when it comes to me. But that gets grouped into the whole diversity thing. I can't wait to learn more about black culture and I hope you keep sharing for all of us so that we can pass it along and share with (others), ...the new Disney Princess, but I was a bit disturbed myself that they had her portrayed in such a way. How odd when there IS so much black history they could have gone to to form this character.

Thanks for writing. Keep sharing with the community.

Disney's Black Princess

If you haven't heard it took Disney until 2008 to come up with a black princess character. It took only months before the big unveiling to figure out just how off-base their premise for the princess was. I am writing this blog post after reading many of the comments suggesting that black people are again making much ado about nothing. I am writing because I think it is important to see how little America knows or understands about black history -- American history and how a company as large as Disney could be so off base. [Read the Disney Story] [Comments]

The NEW Disney Princess: Her name is Maddie she is a chamber maid to a white woman in 1920s New Orleans. She is rescued from her life of servitude by a white prince. Oh yea, and she performs voodoo!

Did they do any research at all? If so they might have found a few incredible stories to tell little girls of color about their history, their culture, and about their strength and fortitude. The comments stated that Disney's portrayal was historically accurate and others said what else would a black woman in the 1920s do if she wasn't a chamber maid.

Even before the Civil war (so before 1920) New Orleans was the home to many people called Gens de Couleur Libres or the Free People of Color. These groups were said to have prospered and amassed millions of dollars of wealth.

Education of the Times
The first black college in America was established in 1837. Today there are more than 100 historically black institutions and the majority of them were established between 1870 - 1910. So by the time that Maddy the princess lived in New Orleans there were scores of black women in colleges across the country. Spelman College a prominent college for black women in Atlanta first began accepting and educating women in 1881.

In Louisiana alone there were four historically black colleges at that time: Dillard, Xavier, Grambling State, and Southern Universities.



Social History of the Time
Not only were their black colleges but black people were in white universities all across the country. Black Greek letter organizations began as a way to promote education and support those few blacks on campuses. I belong to a historic black women's organization that was founded on the campus of Howard University in 1913. One of their first civic activities was participating in the Women's Suffrage movement that began that year. In 1908 on th same campus Alpha Kappa Alpha was created in 1908. (Acknowledging many of the black APs online).

Today these organizations still sponsor debutante balls and cotillions that were reminiscent of balls given throughout history.Today their are some 500,000 - 600,000 black women with ties to Delta Sigma Theta and Alpha Kappa Alpha today.



Considering the fact that it was illegal in many states for whites to marry blacks it is strange that the Disney story promotes the fact that the black princess might only be saved by a gallant white prince.

Black Men in the 1920s
Now why was Maddy rescued by any prince other than a black prince? Don't little black boys need images that are positive and representative of their history as well? In 1906 Alpha Phi Alpha a black fraternity was established at Cornell University. Other all black men's organizations that exist today were also born: Kappa Alpha Psi - Indiana University (1911), Omega Psi Phi (1911), Phi Beta Sigma (1914). All with intelligent, accomplished, and prince-worthy men.


What if Maddy were saved by courageous men like A. Phillip Randolph; civic minded men like Congressman Oscar DePriest elected to Congress in the 1920s; or brilliant writers like my favorite Langston Hughes. Maybe they could fashion the prince after passionate men like Marcus Garvey, accomplished scientist like Ernest Just and George Washington Carver. What about some of those heroes from WWI or even Matthew Henson that ventured to the North Pole with Admiral Perry?

Maybe we could find great men like:

• Pinckney Penchback a half black man first became governor of Louisiana in 1872 and was also elected to the US House of Representatives and the US Senate before his death in 1921.
• Blanche Bruce who had been born a slave became a US Senator in 1875 and Hiram Revels was yet another black man elected to the US House and Senate in the 1870s.

The Harlem Renaissance
The Renaissance is considered a time of social and intellectual transformation for black people. In this time of cultural renewal that lasted from 1918-1929 black people were writing, composing, and performing on Broadway. It gave rise to the famed Apollo Theater. It was jazz, it was blues. It was Duke Ellington, Louis Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald, and Josephine Baker.



It wasn't only in Harlem but in the 1920s Washington DC a 40-block portion of the city, (the Shaw neighborhood) was home to more than 300 black-owned businesses, including the Ford, Howard, and Dabney movie theaters, a large hotel, three black-owned banks, black newspapers and pharmacies.

Black Women of the Times
From 1900 - 1930 there were so many amazing black women doing amazing things against incredible odds. What if we developed the princess story line around some of these real-life women.

• 1903 Maggie Lena Walker founded the St. Lukes Penny Bank in Richmond, VA.
• 1903 Madame C. J. Walker started her haircare business and eventually became the first woman millionaire.
• 1903 Mary McCloud Bethune founded Bethune Cookman College.
• 1903 Nannie Helen Burroughs founded the National Training Center for Women
• 1921 Bessie Coleman earned her pilots license.
• 1921 Georgiana Simpson (Univ. of Chicago), Sadie Tanner Alexander (Univ. of Pennsylvania), and Eva Dykes (Radcliff) earned PhDs and Rebecca Coleman graduated from medical school.
• 1921 While attending Howard University Zora Neale Hurston published her first of many books.
• 1925 at the age of sixty-six Anna Julian completed her PhD in Paris.
  

Many of the comments are the best evidence for why Disney needs to do a better job in the type of character that it portrays. It is not only little black boys and girls that will learn from the story it is yet another generation of white boys and girls that get the wrong message as well.

I would think that in 2008 we could do better. Disney I am ashamed of you. After 84 years, it would seem that we could have used that time to be a bit more forward thinking, creative, and inspirational. For others that have read the story or may be confused as to why black American's are not overly enthusiastic, I hope this provides some context.

What's Going On?

There has been a deep discussion on the big ET board about race. It's not the first and sure it won't be the last. It has; however, been much more reflective, thoughtful, and insightful than discussions that occurred months ago. I think that is good news. My contribution to the discussion was to make sure that the children see images of people who look like them reflected back to them. One (there were many) that I found surprising was from someone saying that it is good to see Barack Obama and that it is too bad that there are not more like him. They seem to be everywhere I look. My mother used to say that if you looked for something you would surely find something. So, we have to look.

I was checking out my friend Tami's blog and she has a post about the upcoming CNN special "Black In America." There is also a website that you might want to check out.

Tami also as highlighted the next issue of Vogue that has four black models on four different covers. What...? One is the beautiful Liya Kebede from Ethiopia. [background]

Well, I thought I would see Tami's four Vogue covers and raise her eight black men. Ebony is coming out with eight covers featuring prominent black men. I would have made a couple of different choices but don't they look good? Kind of makes you proud. The title of this post, "What's Going On" is of course a Marvin Gaye classic.

Two Americas Meet

A month or so ago I watched a documentary called Meeting David Wilson. It was the exploration of the history of two David Wilson's one white and one black. They didn't only share the same name but they shared a history where one set of Wilson's were owned by the other. It was an interesting historical story that in the end united to ends of one family.

After the show ended NBC sponsored a dialog with thought leaders about the continuing issue of race in America. That is the first time that I heard of Tim Wise. Below are a couple of short video segments from the after - program.

You can also check out David Wilson's blog.


How Can We Transcend Race?




Who's Problem Is It Anyway?




Can't We Just Get Over It?

Introducing Tim Wise

Below the video clip is an excerpt from a Tim Wise article -- What Kind of Card is Race? Tim Wise is the author of two new books: White Like Me: Reflections on Race from a Privileged Son, and Affirmative Action: Racial Preference in Black and White (Routledge: 2005).



On the video he talks about how studies on race from the 1960s and 2004 both show that 70-80% of whites believe that black and brown people in their communities are treated equally and fairly.



TIM WISE WRITES:

So, for example, what does it say about white rationality and white collective sanity, that in 1963--at a time when in retrospect all would agree racism was rampant in the United States, and before the passage of modern civil rights legislation--nearly two-thirds of whites, when polled, said they believed blacks were treated the same as whites in their communities--almost the same number as say this now, some forty-plus years later? What does it suggest about the extent of white folks' disconnection from the real world, that in 1962, eighty-five percent of whites said black children had just as good a chance as white children to get a good education in their communities (12)? Or that in May, 1968, seventy percent of whites said that blacks were treated the same as whites in their communities, while only seventeen percent said blacks were treated "not very well" and only 3.5 percent said blacks were treated badly? (13)?

...in 1963, three-fourths of white Americans told Newsweek, "The Negro is moving too fast" in his demands for equality (14)?

What does it say about whites' tenuous grip on mental health that in mid-August 1969, forty-four percent of whites told a Newsweek/Gallup National Opinion Survey that blacks had a better chance than they did to get a good paying job--two times as many as said they would have a worse chance? Or that forty-two percent said blacks had a better chance for a good education than whites, while only seventeen percent said they would have a worse opportunity for a good education, and eighty percent saying blacks would have an equal or better chance? In that same survey, seventy percent said blacks could have improved conditions in the "slums" if they had wanted to, and were more than twice as likely to blame blacks themselves, as opposed to discrimination, for high unemployment in the black community (16).

In other words, even when racism was, by virtually all accounts (looking backward in time), institutionalized, white folks were convinced there was no real problem.

Nothing, absolutely nothing, has to do with race nowadays, in the eyes of white America at large. But the obvious question is this: if we have never seen racism as a real problem, contemporary to the time in which the charges are being made, and if in all generations past we were obviously wrong to the point of mass delusion in thinking this way, what should lead us to conclude that now, at long last, we've become any more astute at discerning social reality than we were before? Why should we trust our own perceptions or instincts on the matter, when we have run up such an amazingly bad track record as observers of the world in which we live? In every era, black folks said they were the victims of racism and they were right. In every era, whites have said the problem was exaggerated, and we have been wrong.

Oprah Winfrey -- Legend

Is there anyone in America that hasn't heard of Oprah Winfrey? In this international adoption process a constant theme is transracial identity and how parents help their children of color become strong and independent proud of who they are? I believe to know who you are or even to know the people you see like Oprah you have to know how they came to be.

A few years ago she had her Legends Ball to honor the women who shaped her, the women who showed her what was possible, the women of standards that she hoped to meet. I remember watching it and how emotional it was for me too. The women who I most remember wanting to be like were Gladys Knight, Maya Angelou, and Nikki Giovanni. I remember being mesmerized as a little girl by the grace and class of Gladys. I read everything by Maya and Nikki impressed with their ability to communicate such strong messages that I felt were meant just for me. Then their were men like Sidney Poitier and Langston Hughes.

Anyway, here are few of the YouTube videos that capture how eternally connected we are to the people who carry our history and culture and what we must do to continue those traditions throughout the generations. Remember Oprah is OPRAH but, but no matter how big she has become, she is still very humbled by her history. OPRAH shows how important it is to HONOR our elders -- the black women who paved the way. Even more she shows how and why it is necessary to connect the young generation that comes behind her. These are the cultural truths that need to be continually shared.

Don't miss the poem: We Speak Your Names at the end of the first video. My favorite is the singing at the gospel brunch in the last video.

We Speak Your Names

Excerpt: We Speak Your Names*
By Pearl Cleage
From Oprah Winfrey's Legends Weekend

Because we are free women,
born of free women,
who are born of free women,
back as far as time begins,
we celebrate your freedom.
Because we are wise women,
born of wise women,
who are born of wise women,we celebrate your wisdom.

Because we are strong women,
born of strong women,
who are born of strong women,
we celebrate your strength.

Because we are magical women,
born of magical women,
who are born of magical women,
we celebrate your magic.

My sisters, we are gathered here to speak your names.
We are here because we are your daughters as surely as if you had conceived us, nurtured us, carried us in your wombs, and then sent us out into the world to make our mark and see what we see, and be what we be, but better, truer, deeper
because of the shining example of your own incandescent lives.

We are here to speak your names because we have enough sense to know that we did not spring full blown from the forehead of Zeus, or arrive on the scene like Topsy, our sister once removed, who somehow just growed.
We know that we are walking in footprints made deep by the confident strides
of women who parted the air before them like the forces of nature that you are.

We are here to speak your names because you taught us that the search is always for
the truth and that when people show us who they are, we should believe them.

We are here because you taught us that sisterspeak can continue to be our native
tongue, no matter how many languages we learn as we move about as citizens of the world and of the ever-evolving universe.

We are here to speak your names because of the way you made for us. Because of the prayers you prayed for us.
We are the ones you conjured up, hoping we would have strength enough, and discipline enough, and talent enough, and nerve enough to step into the light when it turned in our direction, and just smile awhile.

We are the ones you hoped would make you proud because all of our hard work makes all of yours part of something better, truer,deeper.
Something that lights the way ahead like a lamp unto our feet, as steady as the unforgettable beat of our collective heart.

We speak your names.
We speak your names.

You couldnot have been in each of our little black girl bedrooms watching us hold that make pretend microphone as we lip synched your latest hit when dinner was ready downstairs.
Or curled up under the covers with your new book when we had math homework to do.
Or prayed for your safety when our parents told us you were somewhere fighting for our freedom, and it was dangerous work.
It is always dangerous work, but the trade off is unacceptable.
From you we leanred that freedom is non-negotiable.

You could not have known that your collective example of the limitless possibilities that were open to us is what allowed us to look our mothers in the eye and say:
Mama, I wanna be a singer
Mama, I want to be an actress
Mama, I want to be a dancer, or a sculptor, or a lawyer, or a leader or a world-changing force for good, loose in the world whirling.

And even when she rolled her eyes and shook her head and pronouced us more our father's child that we had ever been hers,
She knew you had planted those ideas in our heads and she thanked your foliating us so that we could be a part of something better, truer, deeper

We speak your names
We speak your names...

Thoughts on My TransRacial Family

I think I've mentioned that I grew up as part of a transracial family. If not, I did. After my parents divorced my father married a white woman with three children about the same age as my brothers and me. I was about 10.


What I hope families will understand is that what children try to come to terms with what is normal? I know we like to talk about we are all the same and skin color doesn't matter. Maybe not but because we have different cultural experiences and everyday realities we have different words to express or explain that. Sometimes the same words are used to mean something different. Interpretation and norming is pretty interesting. It's what me and my brother call "do you see what I hear." This is meant to be fun so hope you see the humor.

HAIR

• Why don't you wash your hair everyday, won't it get oily? Hope so, beats being dry.
  
• You don't have a perm, your hair is not even curly. I know that's why I got a perm.
• Did you get your hair styled? No. I just got it done. DONE equals wash and set even if it was blow dried.
• Does your mom every let you wear free hair? I don't know what that is but sometimes I wear it down.
  

BODY/FASHION

• Why are you wearing hose aren't your legs already dark? Huh!?! Hose or stockings have more to do with the occasion and attire. I never had or would have associated them with giving my legs a tan color. That explains why I see girls wearing hose with shorts or their cheerleading outfit.
  
• If you put on heels it will lift your butt. From where and for what?
  
• My daughter has the greatest little body, she has not butt at all. Eeeks -- death sentence for a black girl. Black girls without behinds were said to have a disease called, "noassatall". Celebrate the power of the booty!
• Does this outfit make my butt look big? Isn't that the point? I will say though that what we usually refer to as butt is the curvature and not the width of hips.
  
• Just wear nude hose. Mmmm, nude doesn't come in my nude color.
• If you're going to wear white pants make sure to white undies. Uh-Uh doesn't work that way -- must wear black.
• Hey that guy just said you have big legs -- how rude. It was actually a compliment.
• Can black people get tan? I would imagine unless you think we/they are as black as they can get already.
• Do you have dry skin. No -- I'm just ashy.
• You can never be too rich or too thin. My mother always said even dogs want meat on their bones.
  

FOOD

• What are you going to have for Thanksgiving? Standard menu sweet potato pie (not pumpkin), greens/green beans not casserole, dressing not stuffing, that canned cranberry sauce.
• We're having macaroni and cheese for dinner. Isn't that a side dish where is the meat?
• The proper way to prepare meat is with a little red in center -- you don't want to over cook it. My mother always said we don't put food on the table that can still run away -- cook it or you will get "the worms."
• How come all the black kids sit together in the cafeteria? Because all the white kids are sitting together in all the other seats.

Feel free to add your own.

A Walk in the Clouds

Two of my three favorite lines from movies come from "A Walk in the Clouds." It starred Keanu Reeves who fell in love with a beautiful woman whose family had immigrated from Mexico.

To understand how that relates to this adoption, you would have to know the two lines and here they go:

• The heart wants what the heart wants.
• Just because I speak with an accent doesn't mean that I think with an accent.

There has been an ongoing conversation among adoptive parents about why parents choose the age range and sex of the children that they choose. The discussion revolved around the desire for girl babies as young as possible and how that could lead to corruption of the system.

I didn't enter the conversation because I guess that I feel that the heart wants what the heart wants. What is right for some might be all wrong for me. I'm not alone but I'm one of the PAPs that has no interest in adopting a baby. My request was for children over two and up to six or seven (leaning more towards the upper range). I hear parents talk about missing first steps, first words, and finding some security in the fact that they are the only parents their children will know. I'm not sure why those things don't matter to me at all. What is more important to me is that I can talk to you and we develop an understanding of what those words mean. I'm not sure if it is the many years that I've worked with children but I find that children at about 3, 4, 5 to be the most curious little people ever. I love their curiosity, I love seeing them discover new things and ask non stop question. Maybe I'm weird that way -- I just don't really get excited about babies. But, "little people" are a real sense of joy and wonder to me. Strangely enough I'm also just a little more drawn to boys (girls are great too).

The speaking with an accent thing. Here's why I love that line and have never forgotten it. It would be so easy for people to assume that children born into poverty, with little education, and no ability to speak English are some how less intuitive, curious, intelligent, or perceptive. Be they the children or the parents in Ethiopia their inability to speak my language does not diminish the pride that they have in who they are today. I was shocked a couple of weeks ago when someone suggested that these kids just "might not be that bright." I say don't let the tattered roofs fool you. With kids I think it is important to be a talent scout and look for what is possible in everyone of them. I can't wait for that.

My third favorite movie line..."They call me Mr. Tibbs!" If you've never seen Sidney Poitier in the movie, "The Heat of the Night" you are really missing something. You would have to understand what it meant for me as a little colored girl seeing that movie and hearing that line for the first time.

A Woman's Worth

I found a website for the Ethiopian Women's Alliance based in Cambridge, MA. There was an article written about the role of women in the Ethiopian community. The writer speaks of how even coming to a new country does not really change the role of women and how they are often viewed. Her realization is that it begins with how the woman learns to see herself.

FROM THE ARTICLE

I was born like an Ethiopian women in a male dominated society where the dominance of men and subservience of women in something that is indoctrinated in us from a very early age. I grew up with the knowledge that men are more privileged than women, they are supposed to be. Women exist at the instance of men; all the decision-making power belongs to men, both within the domestic and public spheres. Naturally the men make decision that favors them at the expense of their female counterparts. I learnt early that the art of serving and obeying men is a women’s province and her duty. It is hardly surprising then to find that I am still a ‘domesticated’ individual. My early upbringing was meant to prepare me for an eventuality that my fate, marriage and the limiting life that it entails. ‘It is a woman’s lot’ to endure this kinds of life.

The incident I observed in Lekso Bet was the effective ‘weeding’ out of women from the meeting place, leaving only men to make the decisions about the funeral. I am not saying women are exactly forcibly ejected from their seats. They merely get up of their own volition to provide incoming men with sitting space. After all, a decent, well brought up woman does not sit while a man stands, does she? Being ‘well brought up women’ we did not stop to think about the effect of what we are doing, we merely gave in to years of conditioning and gave up our seats to men. By getting up and giving away our seats, I did not realize the enormity or significance of what we were really giving up. We were giving up not just our seats but our chance to be part of the decision making process that was going to affect us, at least in the funeral! As I talked aloud to myself to the utter dismay of my relative, I wondered in amazement how many other ‘seats’ I had ever yielded without being any the wiser. I wondered how many seats Ethiopian women continue to yield, completely unaware that they were thereby signing off their right to power (as ability to make decisions is power), day by day. I wondered if the men I was watching with new eyes, realized how easily women relinquished their positions thereby empowering them, or they just took everything for granted. I have continued to wonder what will happen when more and more women learn not to relinquish their seats like my friend. Not just at the funeral meetings but in all spheres of life.

Read the entire article.

Seeing Black Through White Eyes

I came across this interesting article that tells the story of Michelle Obama first meeting her Princeton roommates. The story is told not from Michelle's point of view but from that of her white roommates and one of the parents.

I added it because so much was made about Michelle Obama's comments about her time at Princeton (also quoted in the article). It's also interesting to learn what has happened in the many years since.

FROM THE ARTICLE:

But her first day at Princeton held a surprise, too. And Donnelly knew it would mean confronting the past.

She walked into the historic Nassau Inn that evening and delivered the news to her mother, Alice Brown. "I was horrified," recalled Brown, who had driven her daughter up from New Orleans. Brown stormed down to the campus housing office and demanded Donnelly be moved to another room.

The reason: One of her roommates was black.

"I told them we weren't used to living with black people — Catherine is from the South," Brown said. "They probably thought I was crazy."

Read the entire article.

Words From an Ethiopian Father

Here is a long interview of an Ethiopian father that has immigrated to the United States. More specifically the father is Oromo and was interviewed by Bridging Refugee Youth and Childrens Services. At the end of the article there are links to information for raising immigrant children. I was surprised to find that many of the resources also come in Amharic.

Here is little from the interview. Read the complete article.

We try to teach our language to our children by speaking Oromo at home. Before we came to the U.S., the children spoke Oromo perfectly. Now, I speak to them in Oromo, and they respond to me in English. Some of the Oromo values that I want to pass on to my children are respecting family, elders, and each other. When you respect elders, you maintain the connection between the generations; if you lose that, the generations are disconnected. If you are in a meeting and an elder enters the room, everyone will stand up out of respect for that elder. We will also kneel down when greeting an elder, or kiss the shoes of an elder – some people think this is backwards, but it is showing respect. I also want my children to love their country of origin – the language, food, dress, and ways of greeting. In Oromo culture, we give big hugs when greeting each other. How we dress is also important. For ladies, their skirts should come down to the ankle. We have to respect how we look and how we dress.

One of the resources was an article on Raising bilingual children.

Ethiopian Teens Speak Out

Ethiopian Teens talk about life in the US and how it compares to Ethiopia. Click here to read their comments. I've copied one the statements below:

Michael Firrisa (12th grade – in USA)

I came to America when I was seven years old. I think America is the greatest place to live, it isn't in anyway perfect, but it sure beats other places. America is very different from my birth place, Ethiopia. In the US your rights are respected most of the time and you are treated like a human being. In Ethiopia the government treats you however it pleases, and if you think the police in America are bad you haven't got a clue as to how serious it could be. I remember the first day I arrived in the US; I wanted to go back to Ethiopia immediately. I missed my relatives and friends I left behind. Now, Ethiopia is just a vague memory, there isn't much I miss except my family. I lived here for ten years so I have been accustomed to America, and it has become my home. My parents on the other hand pray for the day when things get better so they can go back. My mom always tells me, "You have lived here most of your life so you stay, but as soon as you get a good job we are going back home." I really couldn't care less about going back, and if I do I can't live there. I have forgotten how to read and write the language, and people poke fun at my "foreign accent" every time I talk. It would be strange for me to readjust all over again. Everyday of my life I thank God that I was given an opportunity to live in America and come at the young age I did. I see many people, not only Ethiopians, who struggle because they came when they were older so they have a lot more difficulty adjusting.

The thing I love about America is that a person can achieve wonders with just a dream and some hard work. I always ask God why I was the one who was given the opportunity to start a new life here, out of all the people who lived around me. I guess I just have to wait and see. I just hope it is something special that benefits me and the nation that has become my home.