We Speak Your Names

Excerpt: We Speak Your Names*
By Pearl Cleage
From Oprah Winfrey's Legends Weekend

Because we are free women,
born of free women,
who are born of free women,
back as far as time begins,
we celebrate your freedom.
Because we are wise women,
born of wise women,
who are born of wise women,we celebrate your wisdom.

Because we are strong women,
born of strong women,
who are born of strong women,
we celebrate your strength.

Because we are magical women,
born of magical women,
who are born of magical women,
we celebrate your magic.

My sisters, we are gathered here to speak your names.
We are here because we are your daughters as surely as if you had conceived us, nurtured us, carried us in your wombs, and then sent us out into the world to make our mark and see what we see, and be what we be, but better, truer, deeper
because of the shining example of your own incandescent lives.

We are here to speak your names because we have enough sense to know that we did not spring full blown from the forehead of Zeus, or arrive on the scene like Topsy, our sister once removed, who somehow just growed.
We know that we are walking in footprints made deep by the confident strides
of women who parted the air before them like the forces of nature that you are.

We are here to speak your names because you taught us that the search is always for
the truth and that when people show us who they are, we should believe them.

We are here because you taught us that sisterspeak can continue to be our native
tongue, no matter how many languages we learn as we move about as citizens of the world and of the ever-evolving universe.

We are here to speak your names because of the way you made for us. Because of the prayers you prayed for us.
We are the ones you conjured up, hoping we would have strength enough, and discipline enough, and talent enough, and nerve enough to step into the light when it turned in our direction, and just smile awhile.

We are the ones you hoped would make you proud because all of our hard work makes all of yours part of something better, truer,deeper.
Something that lights the way ahead like a lamp unto our feet, as steady as the unforgettable beat of our collective heart.

We speak your names.
We speak your names.

You couldnot have been in each of our little black girl bedrooms watching us hold that make pretend microphone as we lip synched your latest hit when dinner was ready downstairs.
Or curled up under the covers with your new book when we had math homework to do.
Or prayed for your safety when our parents told us you were somewhere fighting for our freedom, and it was dangerous work.
It is always dangerous work, but the trade off is unacceptable.
From you we leanred that freedom is non-negotiable.

You could not have known that your collective example of the limitless possibilities that were open to us is what allowed us to look our mothers in the eye and say:
Mama, I wanna be a singer
Mama, I want to be an actress
Mama, I want to be a dancer, or a sculptor, or a lawyer, or a leader or a world-changing force for good, loose in the world whirling.

And even when she rolled her eyes and shook her head and pronouced us more our father's child that we had ever been hers,
She knew you had planted those ideas in our heads and she thanked your foliating us so that we could be a part of something better, truer, deeper

We speak your names
We speak your names...

Six Relational Truths

If I've never mentioned it I teach Group and Organizational Dynamics as an adjunct professor. It doesn't really matter other than the fact that I came up with what I call the Six Relational Truths that I share with my students. They really apply to all relationships and a recent situation caused me to pull them out again.

Here they go, use at your own risk. Whenever you can say, "that is true" just remember that someone is saying the same thing about you.

The Six Relational Truths

1. Expectation rules the relationship.
2. Your perception is not everyone else's reality.
3. Your assumptions will always tell on you.
4. You might be dead right but you will still be dead.
5. There's always a choice so choose wisely.
6. If you can't imagine that might be wrong it's nearly impossible for you to ever be right.

Enjoy!

Why Are You Adopting?

After being in this community for so long, I've heard many different reasons given for why people (should) adopt. Some talk about saving children and others talk about wanting to parent. I'm sure that both factor into the decision in some way.


I'd love to see at least 100 votes. Feel free to link to the survey.

more at twiigs.com...

Map of Ethiopia

From the beginning of the process, I've looked for a really good map of Ethiopia that would show many of the smaller villages. This is the best one that I've found so far.
















Click on the map so that you can increase the size.

I can't believe how much geography I've learned.

Key Factors for Successful Adoption

I read the article below on the A Child's Waiting website and thought I would share it.

Successful Adoption Indicators

There are several factors that can predict the possibility of a successful adoption as well as the possibility of an adoption disruption. Having a good understanding of your family and the dynamics that it presents can help circumvent any possible problems before and after a child comes home.

Adoptive families that are working towards or currently possess the following characteristics are more likely to have a successful adoption experience.

• Families with emotional support from their family and friends
• Families who did not care what the “Jones” think
• Membership in an adoption support group (families share common problems which normalizes their own family transitional problems)
• Family engages in family leisure activities as a whole throughout the week
• Involvement in a religious practice
• Lower to middle income, high school or two or less years of college education
• Children who have been able to maintain past relationships in their new placements
• Adoptive Families who remain active within their adoption agency
• Children who have been able to have closure with past caregivers
• Families with some child care or parenting experiences
• Families who continue to education themselves about adoption issues as well as any special needs of the child
• Families with a strong marriage or partnership
• Patience
• Families that are more empathic towards a child and the past issues that they have had to face rather than blaming them for the family problems
• Adoptive families who put the needs of the child before their own-ALWAYS
• Easy access to post-adoption services
• Resolved infertility issues
• Women who do not need to feel “appreciated” everyday and do not take child rejection or behavioral concerns personally

Here is a second article on the success factors. You can also read a list of factors for adoption disruption or unsuccessful placements.

Thoughts on My TransRacial Family

I think I've mentioned that I grew up as part of a transracial family. If not, I did. After my parents divorced my father married a white woman with three children about the same age as my brothers and me. I was about 10.


What I hope families will understand is that what children try to come to terms with what is normal? I know we like to talk about we are all the same and skin color doesn't matter. Maybe not but because we have different cultural experiences and everyday realities we have different words to express or explain that. Sometimes the same words are used to mean something different. Interpretation and norming is pretty interesting. It's what me and my brother call "do you see what I hear." This is meant to be fun so hope you see the humor.

HAIR

• Why don't you wash your hair everyday, won't it get oily? Hope so, beats being dry.
  
• You don't have a perm, your hair is not even curly. I know that's why I got a perm.
• Did you get your hair styled? No. I just got it done. DONE equals wash and set even if it was blow dried.
• Does your mom every let you wear free hair? I don't know what that is but sometimes I wear it down.
  

BODY/FASHION

• Why are you wearing hose aren't your legs already dark? Huh!?! Hose or stockings have more to do with the occasion and attire. I never had or would have associated them with giving my legs a tan color. That explains why I see girls wearing hose with shorts or their cheerleading outfit.
  
• If you put on heels it will lift your butt. From where and for what?
  
• My daughter has the greatest little body, she has not butt at all. Eeeks -- death sentence for a black girl. Black girls without behinds were said to have a disease called, "noassatall". Celebrate the power of the booty!
• Does this outfit make my butt look big? Isn't that the point? I will say though that what we usually refer to as butt is the curvature and not the width of hips.
  
• Just wear nude hose. Mmmm, nude doesn't come in my nude color.
• If you're going to wear white pants make sure to white undies. Uh-Uh doesn't work that way -- must wear black.
• Hey that guy just said you have big legs -- how rude. It was actually a compliment.
• Can black people get tan? I would imagine unless you think we/they are as black as they can get already.
• Do you have dry skin. No -- I'm just ashy.
• You can never be too rich or too thin. My mother always said even dogs want meat on their bones.
  

FOOD

• What are you going to have for Thanksgiving? Standard menu sweet potato pie (not pumpkin), greens/green beans not casserole, dressing not stuffing, that canned cranberry sauce.
• We're having macaroni and cheese for dinner. Isn't that a side dish where is the meat?
• The proper way to prepare meat is with a little red in center -- you don't want to over cook it. My mother always said we don't put food on the table that can still run away -- cook it or you will get "the worms."
• How come all the black kids sit together in the cafeteria? Because all the white kids are sitting together in all the other seats.

Feel free to add your own.

A Walk in the Clouds

Two of my three favorite lines from movies come from "A Walk in the Clouds." It starred Keanu Reeves who fell in love with a beautiful woman whose family had immigrated from Mexico.

To understand how that relates to this adoption, you would have to know the two lines and here they go:

• The heart wants what the heart wants.
• Just because I speak with an accent doesn't mean that I think with an accent.

There has been an ongoing conversation among adoptive parents about why parents choose the age range and sex of the children that they choose. The discussion revolved around the desire for girl babies as young as possible and how that could lead to corruption of the system.

I didn't enter the conversation because I guess that I feel that the heart wants what the heart wants. What is right for some might be all wrong for me. I'm not alone but I'm one of the PAPs that has no interest in adopting a baby. My request was for children over two and up to six or seven (leaning more towards the upper range). I hear parents talk about missing first steps, first words, and finding some security in the fact that they are the only parents their children will know. I'm not sure why those things don't matter to me at all. What is more important to me is that I can talk to you and we develop an understanding of what those words mean. I'm not sure if it is the many years that I've worked with children but I find that children at about 3, 4, 5 to be the most curious little people ever. I love their curiosity, I love seeing them discover new things and ask non stop question. Maybe I'm weird that way -- I just don't really get excited about babies. But, "little people" are a real sense of joy and wonder to me. Strangely enough I'm also just a little more drawn to boys (girls are great too).

The speaking with an accent thing. Here's why I love that line and have never forgotten it. It would be so easy for people to assume that children born into poverty, with little education, and no ability to speak English are some how less intuitive, curious, intelligent, or perceptive. Be they the children or the parents in Ethiopia their inability to speak my language does not diminish the pride that they have in who they are today. I was shocked a couple of weeks ago when someone suggested that these kids just "might not be that bright." I say don't let the tattered roofs fool you. With kids I think it is important to be a talent scout and look for what is possible in everyone of them. I can't wait for that.

My third favorite movie line..."They call me Mr. Tibbs!" If you've never seen Sidney Poitier in the movie, "The Heat of the Night" you are really missing something. You would have to understand what it meant for me as a little colored girl seeing that movie and hearing that line for the first time.