The Adoption Name Game

I've written several post about names, naming, and changing names in the adoption process. In the last posts I was questioning the process of how to officially change the children's names. The official (document) name change will be needed even if I leave them with their Ethiopian given names. If you don't know, Ethiopians have one name and then their father's name is added as a surname. For my children this would mean that their documents would have CHILD'S NAME (Ethio given name), MY FIRST NAME (becomes their middle name), MY LAST NAME (their new last name).

If you read my post, Certificate of Citizenship Name Game, you know I was trying to figure out how to change this (correct this) on their documentation without re-adoption.

I finally received an answer from someone who completed the process here in Illinois. Thanks, Tara. Another adoptive parent explained that after bringing her child home on an IR-3 visa, she hired an attorney specifically for the name change. After receiving her Certificate of Citizenship, she paid about $900 to have him file papers with the county to change the name.

TIMELINE

• April - Home with child
• May - Certificate of Citizenship
• July - Filed in court for name change (can be done immediately)
• July - Court hearing
• Sept. - Court order
• Nov. - Record of foreign birth

This is still preferable to me than doing the re-adoption.

I'm a Mother Hen

I saw the mother hen quiz on Tracey's blog. It said she was a "Groovy Mother Hen" so I thought that I'd try it. The results...

What type of Mother Hen Are You?
by Montessorimom.com: Educational Resource

Parenting on the Fly

How do you feel about misbehaving children in public? I'm not talking about energetic childhood behavior. I am talking about, "who's kid is this" behavior that terrorizes everyone around them. We all love it right, but what can you do. I was stuck in the airport last night for a few hours along with many other business travelers and a woman with her five year old son. We were in one of those cramped seating areas where there was barely enough room for people and their carry on luggage. Still, this little tyke zoomed across the floor with his car making car noises, honking at people to get out of the way. Not so bad at first. Then he literarly started crawling across the tops of the seats. You know how the seats sit back to back? He actually crawled with his knees on top across three or four chairs.

I know you might be wondering, where was his mother? Sitting right there reading a book, calm as can be. When he crawled across a woman sitting there, she told her son that he was invading people's personal space and that was it. Oh, she did say to him that people don't like you in their personal space. He then started running at full speed around the chairs. He tried to come back and was stopped by a woman standing with her luggage. He screamed for her to get out of his way. The mother? She said, "Say get out of the way please." He added the word please and he also added a right elbow to her hip.

There was a man sitting across from me with a cain. The little boy would run and kick the cane. The cain would slide under the chair and the older gentleman had to bend down and pick it up three or four times. The little boy came through again and the cain slowed him down so he actually stood on the man's foot! My reflex kicked in and I reached out to grab the little boy (to jerk him) from the man's foot. Sorry guys, but assualting the elderly was a bit too much for me. The guy gave the boy a dirty look and he moved on.

The mother calmly said, "It's almost time to get on our plane." For once I was so glad that I did not make the stand-by flight. I can only imagine the flight home.

Visions of Motherhood and Flights of Fancy

I have a ton of visions dancing in my head. One has been that even if I travel for work, my children will go with me. Watching yesterday's airport event made me wonder if I am dillusional but I cannot imagine my children behaving like that in public. In my vision my children are sitting in an area away from people with a portable dvd player, reading, activity or coloring books. I know kids get tired and

cranky but (like you Grace) I will not tolerate my children acting out in public especially at the expense of other people.

People have been telling me, "oh wait until your kids get here." I know there will be days but I'm like the old lady in the shoe to my friends and they know when their children are left with me that I give the all the love and attention they can stand. But any child that hangs out with me also learns that I am a no-nonsense disciplinarian. They still love to hang out at my house. I told one of my friends the airport story. Her response made me feel pretty good.

My friend said that she knows that my children will have actitivities and that I will make it a learning experience for them. She said that she can imagine my children getting restless and me turning it into an activity of count the people, the red shoes, or something like that. She said she imagines my children will call her after a trip and tell her about all the things that they learned by being in the airport. At least one of my friends feels that she knows me well enough to believe that my children will be well behaved. At least in public.

Since the Last Time

I came across this song on YouTube. When I first heard it I thought that it about how it related to the adoption experience. These days with adoption on the brain, I can find meaning in just about anything. I really thought this song expressed the life-changing feelings that come with the miracle of adoption and how it must feel to go through the process, travel to Ethiopia, experience the country, and return as a mother.

Listen to Yolanda Adams sing, Since the Last Time I Saw You. The chorus says, "Since the last time I saw you things have changed, I will never be the same since the last time."

The Price is Right

I know I'm not the only one watching my dollars and cents. I told you it's been hard to think about what I want for me and instead I think of what I need for the kids.

I needed a new suit. So, with my birthday gift cards in hand I hit the usual spots. My good friend found great bargains and Macy's and that I should try there. I went into Macy's everything was 30-40% off with another 50% taken at the register. In ten minutes I found a$98 Anne Klein dress for $11. I found an AK suit on the $59 rack that fit great, was a size smaller, made me feel good and look good. I took it to the register and the woman said that it was not on the 50% off sale. It was $189 -- a steal for a $300 suit but I was disappointed that it wasn't marked down more. I left it and walked out. My friend called and kept telling me to go back and get it. I told her Iwas going to try one more place.

I walked into Loehmann's and found four suits to try on. The two that fit better than the Macy's suit where AK too. The suits were marked $59 and $79 ($320 regularly). The lady behind the counter started talking about how she was having a really bad day, so I offered her a few encouraging words. Then I read the sign behind her saying that they gave 15% off as a birthday discount and I told her my birthday was a few days ago. She whispered something that I didn't really hear and then she hit a couple of keys and the grand total for my two suits was $97.43.

I knew that was more than 15% off, so I checked my receipt and she had given me several discounts. I got such a good bargain that I felt better about spending on myself. I hope the cashier's day got better because she definitely made my day!

Reading is Fundamental Relating is Optional

Transracial adoption is becoming common and normal. As families decide to step off into the deep water they ask many questions. Before concluding that race doesn't really matter, I think at a minimum families should understand American history from the perspective of people of color. No one asked me what they might read that explores the history and effects of race on the development of identity. If they did, I would suggest the following:

Books

• All Gods Children a book by Fox Butterworth
• Company Man by Brent Wade
  
• Warriors Don't Cry by Melba Patillo Beals (The Other Side)
  
• Black & White Styles in Conflict by Tom Kochman
  (Read a review)
• Shifting: The Double Lives of Black Women in America
• Member of the Club by Lawrence Otis Graham
• Our Kind of People by Lawrence Otis Graham
• The Rage of a Privileged Class by Ellis Cose
• Best Intentions: The Education of Edmund Perry by Robert Sam Anson

Films

• Imitation of Life (the Lana Turner version)
  
• Good Fences
• The Delaney Sisters
• Finding Forrester
  
• The Ditch Diggers Daughter
  
• Boycott
• The Long Walk Home
• Standing On My Sisters Shoulders
• The Human Stain
  
• The Great Debaters

These are not books or films that tell you how to raise your children but instead they show you the effects. Most have a historical context, where a few are more contemporary. The themes are similar. When and if you read or watch, try to do so by actually putting yourself in the story. Be the person that you think represents your child in the story. Feel free to add to the list.