Saturday, April 11, 2009

Five Days to Reflect

I am at five days and counting and reaching this point has allowed me to be really reflective. God never promised that the road would be easy only that He would lead us every step of the way. In honor of this Resurrection weekend and the five short days that I have for this amazing life change, I wanted to share with you one of my favorite post. I smile now when I read this.

Where is Your Faith?
Reposted from July 11, 2008

I know that I can't be the only person that has shed a few tears while going through this process. Some of you have cried buckets. First there were the happy tears and the excitement of every little thing like receiving a call back from the agency, getting a package in the mail or even writing one of the big checks.

Maybe you have hit a few snags along the way. Maybe you have faced a mountain or tried to fight your way through a brick wall. I know that there have been days where you've said that it was all too much, that it was taking too long, that you wanted to quit. Maybe you were forced to place your plans on hold because family or financial circumstances have changed so drastically.

Maybe it was days of doubt and second guessing. Maybe it was looking for signs that you were on the right path and all you got were bright flashing red lights or stop signs or detours down one-way streets that led to dead ends. I know that there are families that have had long referral waits, missed referrals, lost referrals, failed court dates, and long delays before travel. The biggest heartbreak that I've heard is of families with referrals and the children passed away before ever reaching them. Then you have to try and wrap your heart around different child and a different picture than the one who's picture you originally fell in love with.

Maybe I'm just talking about myself but there have been times that I have cried out and asked what is all of this for. Several days ago I woke up just in time to hear a television minister say, "God does not respond to our needs and wants, God responds to our faith." We can't bully him into our way of thinking either.

I had to remind myself that hope that is seen is not hope for if I can see it then what am I hoping for? This is a faith walk like no other to me. I know that I have some powerful sisters walking this same walk and feeling the same way. In our lives we have been able create spreadsheets and checklist; write the plan, work the plan, influence others to our way of thinking, and call upon our strong will and determination to make things happen, usually in our favor. I feel like I've met my match.

THE FAITH TO HOLD ON the end of all of this, what He has for us is what we have. The children that we get are the children that were destined for us at the beginning. They are those that were chosen just for us. They may or may not be what we dreamed or hoped in our minds. They may be older, faster, slower, louder, happier, sadder, taller, smaller, or more ill, more stubborn, more afraid or more hurt. They may be wore wise, more astute, more mature, or more intelligent. They may be more loving and more giving, more patient and more kind. More faithful, much stronger, more steadfast, and more sure.

My faith is in the knowing that while we are seeking our hearts desire, God is desiring our hearts to open and our faith to grow. That's not a lesson I'm giving to others, it is the lesson that I've learned for myself. This is not an easy path that we've chosen but it is our path. Everything that comes along the way is exactly what is meant for us. Trusting that is required.

I may wake up every morning with my mind on Ethiopia, but my faith lies in knowing that God's plan for me is far beyond anything that I could plan for myself. That's why I can't seem to understand every little twist and turn. Often I have to remind myself, it isn't about me anyway. It is about children who are hoping, dreaming, believing, praying and waiting.

Maybe, just maybe God is working this whole thing out by their faith so it is the children's prayers that are being answered. Maybe they need one more day in the arms of nannies that have nursed them back to health. Maybe they want more time sitting at the table eating injera and doro wat. Maybe they need more time with parents, sisters and brothers that they will never see again and just need to feel the tender hands of grandparents that have to let them go. Maybe they need to hear how wonderful and special they are in their own language or play in the courtyards with friends who truly understand.

Maybe they are praying for parents that are strong enough, patient enough, committed enough, faithful enough, and loving enough. Maybe they are just not ready to leave the only place they've called home knowing that they may never return. Maybe they are afraid of what lies ahead or who is waiting for them. Maybe just maybe they want to fill their own hopes and dreams and not carry the weight of a country that hopes for them or parents that need them to close their own open holes. Maybe we can learn faith from them that have nothing, who can do nothing but trust all the adults that work on their behalf or have an abiding faith in their creator. Maybe just maybe it is not us that are waiting for them but they that are waiting for us to be prepared and not just ready or anxious.


Bennett said...

wow Valerie
five more days, I am all chocked up just thinking a/b how close you are!!

yes you are so right time just keeps ticking on!!!

Love the post as always!!!!


Robbin said...

Faith walk!!! Its like a Faith marathon, and you are at the 26th mile. You girls are on the side running beside you (from the sideline, cause I waited towards the end) squirting water and saying hang in there.

Hang in there!

Tami said...

Great post. I am still crying. My faith is being tested but I am so blessed to have built (and still building) such great friendships and a support system with women like you, Robbin, Celeste, Melissa and so many more. I still have miles to go but it is all down hill.

I'm so glad you are on the end now I can rejoice for you and know that I can do this too. Love you!

Anonymous said...

Valerie, I have always stalked your blog from the beginning of my adoption journey. I'm glad to know that this process is almost over for you. It's been long, but well worth the wait. Now the fun begins.....

LoveNotes4CocoPrincess said...

Cheering from the sidelines. Your blessing is like my blessing!

You have been my personal brick. Each post has served to help me stand. I'm like Tami, you and other sisters-in-the-journey, have blessed me with support and something else that I hadn't had in me for years---Strength to be open!

Can't wait to see your blessings in your arms.

Original Court Date: April 18, 2009
Final Court Date: May 18, 2009
[607 total days & 165 days w/IAN]