Showing posts with label My Adoption Story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Adoption Story. Show all posts

Friday, November 13, 2009

The Queen, (The Prince), and I

People keep asking me isn't it tough, having adopted two (older) children at the same time. For me it isn't but I truly believe that we are only given vision for those things that we have also been equipped to do.

All the vision talk aside the ride just wouldn't be nearly as much fun without both of my treasures. There is nothing like watching them interact with each other, listening to him tell me how much he loves his sister, and her saying, "Yea, I love you but no touching me and no kissing me." I watch sometimes from a distance as she gently manipulates him into thinking that her ideas are really his own and then there are those classic moments like her polishing his fingernails and toe nails and then sending him to me with pride in his eyes while she laughs knowingly in the background.

Don't be fooled by those pretty doe eyes and innocent smile. She is truly made of sugar and spice and all that nice stuff with a little don't even try that mess with me thrown in. I think back to those early days of her refusing to wear pink with purple and now watch her apply three-days worth of lipgloss (chapAstick) in one application. She has the fashion thing down now and plans many of her outfits at night making sure that the tiny speck of pink on the tiny flower at the neckline matches the the pink in her socks that will be hidden by her shoes. She is so confident in her styling ability that she even wants to dress me. If it were up to her, she and I would wear coordinating outfits everyday, matching lipstick, and carbon copy hairdos. The day she put on that wig I thought she'd never take it off. She flounced around the house throwing the hair over her shoulders and telling me that she was definitely going to wear it to school for show-and-tell. She is all girl and for as much as I love her, uh and need her to constantly and lovingly REMIND me of ALL things I seem to forget, my life with her is deeper and more colorful because I too have my young prince.

If it weren't for having two of them then I wouldn't get all those wonderfully long periods of mommy time while they find and create new ways to play. I walked into their room the other day after a 2-hour mind-my-own-business pretend getaway in my room and was so incredibly pleased and proud to see that they had pulled out a lego set giving to them by the fabulous Kristine and my princess was reading the directions and putting together the fire truck for her brother as he sat trying so hard to help her. It was funny to hear her trying to explain how he needed to be patient, "slowly" she would tell him as he tried to rush the process and just use any piece of lego he could find. I was impressed she really managed to get those 60 or 70 little pieces into a truck with lights and wheels that he is still rolling around the house.

If it were not for having both of my treasures, I would not get to experience them trying to one up each other for my attention; race to me to kiss me first; insist that I hugged one longer than the other; or hear them say, "I am your baby too!" Without two who would take up for the other or plead the other's case to me as they both often do? And, I can't tell you what it is like to see him pick up a book and take it to her knowing that she can read it to him or now that he TOO can read he will often ask her first to help him.

Were it not for having both of them I wouldn't have so many laughs listening to their conversations in the car; hearing my daughter tell him in her best sista-girl voice, "stop I'm not playing with you." Then when she gets too bossy it is him telling her, "Don't tell me. I don't listen to you I only listen to my mom." That's right baby listen to your mama.

Then there are those comments that just come out of the blue and remind me of how wonderfully blessed I am to have them. For a few days my daughter kept asking if she could have my eyes. When I'd tell her I need them to see she would tell me that I could have her eyes for trade. No amount of telling her that her eyes were much prettier would convince her. Finally, she said she wanted my eyes because, "they have already seen everything and learned it." Profound right?

Still the best of the week was driving them to school and hearing them laugh and talk about a woman they saw driving a big semi-truck. "Mommmy, that's a lady? She's driving a truck?" They both just cracked up thinking that was so ridiculous.

Me: "Ladies in America drive trucks. They can do anything."

The Princess: "Anything?"

Me: "Yea, when you grow up if you want to you can drive a truck."

The Princess: "Who? Not me?"

Me: "Well what will you be when you grow up?"

The Princess: "A teacher I think. No...I am going to be a QUEEN."

When I walked in her room last night to turn out the light, I stopped in my tracks and laughed when I saw the royal way that she was sleeping. Do you see my baby wearing an eye mask? Help me please! I had to grab my phone and take this picture. What you can't see is that these pajamas have a fluffy fur-like collar and her legs are stretched out and crossed at the ankles.

All hail the QUEEN!



Thursday, November 5, 2009

I Give You Everything!

For two years I wrote this blog and now it seems I'm on a once a month diet. Waiting for the kids to arrive gave me so much time to be reflective and usually I was writing about my feelings. Now that they are here I'm enjoying living every single moment with them and rarely pause to think or write about it. There are so many special moments, how do you pick just one. For me it's been impossible but I did want to share this little story.

My son is extremely talkative. He talks from the moment he wakes up and talks until he drifts off to sleep. Sometimes I think that he just talks because he is so impressed and amazed at his ability to speak English. I think he loves hearing words roll off his tongue and waiting for my reaction to the many things he says that he knows he should not say. I watch him amazed that four short months ago the only English word he knew was NO and he enjoyed speaking Amharic to one of my great friends who often called. Well, she called a couple of weeks ago and I put him on the phone. She immediately started greeting him in Amharic and he just as immediately said and I quote, "Hey what is this you are talking to me? I am ENGLISH, my mom is ENGLISH, everyday ENGLISH, ENGLISH, ENGLISH! If you want to talk to me you talk ENGLISH!" Then he handed the phone to me in a huff as though she had insulted him. For days after that he would say, "Mom, people know I am ENGLISH...right? I will talk no more Amharic."

Right after that he went into a story about his mother (I've chosen to call her that without the need to refer to her as the first one, the Ethiopian one, or the birth one). He told me that when he closes his eyes that he can see her running to him and he then he demonstrates how he will reach his hands out for her. He told me, "Mom, when I see her I am going to hug her and say HELLO." Right when he said that it was like he realized in that moment that she didn't know English. He looked and me and said, "What will she say, mom? Amharic or English?" Then he dropped it with a little sadness at the realization of what he said. My son's mastery of the language is pretty amazing, he has started correcting his sister's sentencing; he chimes in while she practices her spelling words (usually he is right about what letter comes next). However, because he talks so much and has so many ideas going on all the time sometimes I miss a few things and now when I do or tell him that I don't understand he ask, "Are your ears working? I'm talking ENGLISH to you. Do you hear this ENGLISH? Mom, you no listening to me?"

So, everyday we hear his version of English, English, English and a few days ago he said to me, "Mom when I'm very big boy, I will give you everything. Mom, I'm gonna buy three cars and give you two of them for you to drive. I'm going to work, work, work and give you my money, $100 I will give you. Mom, I will buy you leebs (clothes) at the leebs store so you can be pretty. Mom, I will get you shoes on your feet and socks for you. I will take you to the restaurant and get you food. Mom, when you get sick I will take you to doctor for him make you well." Then he started looking around the room. "Oh, yea mom I will buy you food for this house at the food store." He looked overhead at a kitchen light that was out. "Mom, I will get you this light here then it will no be dark in here...mmmm....mmmm.....Mom I will shower your car and make it clean and I will take you to church....mmmm...mmmm....mmmmm....Mom, I will get you pretty rings for your hands. Mom I will give you everything!"

I was smiling from ear to ear as much for what he would give me as for what he has learned since he's been here. It was so cute watching him roll his eyes upward to think of more and more things for me. "Mom, I stay with you forever. I stay HERE, no more change. Mom, this is it, I stay with you all the time and you stay with me. That's it!"

"Mom I love you for everything!"

Saturday, August 8, 2009

With This Ring...

I so love my children and now I know that they love me too. The Princess tells me every day that I'm beautiful and tries to imitate and emulate the things that I do. She wants hair like her mommy, shoes like her mommy, and likes it best when we are dressed in similar outfits or wearing the same color. Better still, I believe it's safe to say that my Wonderson has a crush on me. Oh, how he does love his mommy and is so good at looking after me and making sure that I'm okay.

I can hardly believe it's been four weeks since my last post, seven weeks since my children hit U.S. soil and the end of their five weeks in camp. Yesterday was their last day and when I picked them up my son ran to me, jumped into my arms and hugged me tightly. He whispered in my ear, "Mommy I was a good boy. I love you, mommy, thank you so much!" This is the type of greeting that I've been fortunate enough to get from both of my children every evening that I've picked them up from their day at camp. Still, yesterday was extra special. Kids were gathered around, music was playing, everyone was saying their goodbyes and looked at my two angels and had to hold back the tears. My baby doesn't miss a thing and said, "Mommy your eyes, are you crying? It's okay, mom."

They had a big last day celebration with a cookout and gifts. We had stopped that morning at the grocery store to pick up four dozen cupcakes -- if your name was S - Z you had to bring a dessert. The kids carried the cupcakes and had to tell them it was for sharing. Today everyone would share. Now the day was over, and I walked through the park district lobby thinking back to that first nervous day that I'd dropped them off. We'd come a long, long way. When I got to the bottom of the stairs and entered the room were the kids were waiting, I heard kids say look it's your mom! Over the weeks these kids had asked me, if I was African, why did Wonderson constantly repeat his ABC's, why was the Princess so quiet, why did the Princess love stickers so much, and one little girl asked or told me that she was going to be giving my son a test on his behavior. I'd been asked why my kids like to hug so much and one little girl told me she had moved here from Pakistan and wanted to know the name of the country my kids were from? But, the question no one asked was whether or not I was really their mother. I actually met a woman in the parking lot one day that said how the little peanut most be your son, I saw you and knew right away because he looks just like you. I smiled and told her everyone says so.

It took us about 15 minutes to get out of the door with all of the kids calling my kids by name and asking for their last hugs. One little girl came up to me and asked if my kids could please come back to winter camp? Another little girl came up and told me how she loved both of my children but wondered why I didn't speak with an accent like they did. I actually had tears in my eyes seeing how many friends they had made and how adored they were by the camp counselors. Two of them gave me their numbers and told me that if I ever needed a babysitter to give them a call. We did it, we made it through the camp season without incident, without losing a lunch box or jacket, without losing a swimsuit, shoe, or towel. My baby did lose a tooth but that was way back in week one. He has four loose now and I'm sure by the time school starts he will be struggling to gum his food.

I was so apprehensive that first day, I wondered whether I was doing the right thing; if it was too soon or if the kids would be okay? I can tell you it was the best decision I could have made for them and their counselors agreed. Wonderson started with maybe five words of English in total and now talks non-stop using four and five-word sentences. He was a definite challenge for the counselors in the beginning and somewhere in week two or three they asked for strategies to manage his behavior. They actually believed that because he didn't speak English that he should be coddled. I told them those were not my expectations that I wanted them to work with me to help get him prepared for school.

I brought him home the day after I'd come early and caught him defiantly disobeying his teacher. We went to his room and I had a stern talk with him. I asked him, "Do you understand me?" And when he shook his head no, I realized it was a 50/50 chance that he really had no idea what I was saying. I got down on his level and made the instructions as simple as possible. I sent my son to school each day with simple instructions, "When the teachers say sit, you sit, when they say stand you stand, come you come, go you go!" When we'd get out of the car walking towards the door I say, sit he would say, "I sit." I would say stand, he would say, "I stand." Each day I was told how much better he was doing at following directions. We were a team working together on his behalf. They even taught my son how to tell time and to count backwards. He is really good at it and even though he learned it through his many time-outs I believe all learning is valuable. He now thinks it is a good strategy at home and often tells mommy or his sister that we are in time-out for five or ten minutes.

In the five weeks of camp my children have had so many experiences, more than I could have done. Each day they were anxious to go and each day they came home with new names of friends they'd made, told me who had shared chips with them, or sung songs. They rode big busses on weekly field trips to Lincoln Park Zoo, Kiddie Land, Coves Landing Water park. Each week they went on a nature hike at the nature park and swam in the pool or hung out at the splash pad. They watched movies in the park theater, they went to concerts, and they made friend. My son sat in the backseat one day sing Yellow Submarine, my daughter came home with many art projects.

They had a GREAT time!

As we got in the car and drove away yesterday, I smiled listening to the excitement in their voices as they talked over each other to tell me stories about the day. My son had thrown his backpack in the front seat with me as he had done every day but today he wanted me to reach inside and give him a plastic bag filled with goodies. He searched through the bag and at the stoplight said, "Mommy this is for your finger." He handed me a green horseshoe ring with pride. "Put it on finger, Mommy! It's for you!" I put it on and he said, "Show me...it's good mommy, good!" He was very pleased with himself and I was just as proud to wear his ring. There is a catch; however, when I don't move as fast as he would like or do what he thinks I should do, he asks for his ring back. When I have done enough to earn it, he gladly places the ring back on my finger.

They have two weeks before real school starts. I just can't wait!


Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Looks Like We Made It

Well, believe it or not my children have been in my care and custody for three weeks. It's unbelievable how much we've done in this short period of time and how well the children seem to be adjusting. Truthfully I believe that my children have lived in America before or at least they've spent most of their time studying American television.

I absolutely adore them and yesterday I had to turn them over to a bunch of strangers at day camp. After all the process and paperwork that we all go through to adopt it was a very strange experience handing unchecked, unnotorized, non-certified documents to a woman behind a desk who just took my money and show me where to drop off the kids. Don't we need something more formal? Should I have collected documents about them, asked for fingerprints of their staff or something?

The kids were excited and eager to go to the teh-mahr-ta-bet (school). Sleeping beauty who is always first to go to bed and last to wake up was up at 6am yesterday morning laying on her floor "studying" one of her books. She was quite concerned about wearing a bathing suit, carrying a bag with a towel and no books. "No books?" She asked me, like what kind of school is this. And, to top that off she was offended by having to wear purple flip flops with her pink swimwear and cover up.

The night before my children had asked many questions about school, "what grades would they be in? Would they have to spend the night? Would I drive them in the car or would they walk? Would I be at the bureau (my office) and would I pick them up?" The conversation about who would be in what grades was pretty funny as are most things with my tightly bonded siblings. My daughter had told me earlier in the week that my son was in grade zero in Ethiopia. So when they asked what grade he would be in here, I said kindergarten. He laughed and tried to say it but she looked at him with a big sister look at said, "ZERO!" I don't know how excited he was about going to SCHOOL/CAMP yesterday but he was excited about wearing his very funny looking water shoes because their first day at camp was water day.

Imagine that. My kids first day at school, since I've still not been able to explain the difference between camp and school was going to a splash pad (water park) and playing in water all day. I've decided that it's not necessary for me to give a lot of details about my children so on the form all I said in terms of special needs was that they are new English speakers and may need additional assistance with some instructions. I am confident in my daughters ability to understand more English than she speaks and her incredible ability to translate to and for her brother. She had also learned my phone number and practiced dialing it on the phone all weekend so that if there were any problems she could call me right away. I walked around the office with my cell phone all day and there was not one call. I looked up and it was 2:00 and I light out a sigh that all was well.

I left my office at 4:30 to pick them hoping that they'd had a good day and that they would want to go back this morning. I got to the front desk and the director introduced her self when I told her my name she said oh you are, (struggling to pronounce their names)... Yes, I told her and held my breath for what she was about to say. She told me that they had all fallen in love with them and she was just interested to know what country they were from. I told her Ethiopia and she asked if they would be staying here forever. I told her that they would and she said they are pretty amazing kids. Ok, so far so good!

I went down the flight of stairs to pick them up and there they were all in one piece pretty much they way that I'd left them except they were covered in stickers, face, arms, and clothes. They were sitting at a table drawing and my son saw me and exclaimed mommy and grab me for a hug. He hasn't learned to be embarrased by me in the sight of his friends but that may happen before the summer ends. He yelled to his sister to make sure she knew I was there. I collected their bags, lunch boxes, huge balls that they were given, and we got in the makena (car) to head home.

My son, asked if he would go back neggeh (tomorrow). I told him yes and all was well. He then asked the question that he always asking, "house mom?" That is usually followed by his request, "No house mom, no house, one store, pleeeeease!" We drove off listening to Marvin Sapp that they've heard enough now that they ask for specific songs by track numbers. Their favorite? Praise Him in Advance and Maginify Him!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

I Found Them

Well, my friends some 640 days ago I began a journey to find two children with eyes like mine. I want you to know after to traveling to Ethiopia and returning to Chicago I can tell you must certainly that I have found them.

His eyes are deep dark brown and full of life wonder and everything you could imagine in a five year old. He loves bananas, strawberries, apples, pasta, injera, eggs, omelets, well he likes anything that you can eat. He loves television, showers and clean clothes, jumping, running, pushing, and pouting as if it will get him his way. He is very smart and just as clever at finding out how to work anything that is electronic.











Her eyes are deep and nearly coal black with an old soul that is wise beyond her years. She has impressed me with her ability to retain information and translate anything I'm saying to her younger brother. She can write her first and last name in English, sound out and spell words, and sit and color for two to three hours at a time. She loves SLEEP and must have her beauty nap. She loves to watch and help me cook and will try just about anything. She is gentle and kind, and says, "thank you very much," for the slightest kindness shown to her.













My children are home! What I've been most amazed about is how loving they are to one another. All of us with siblings should be so lucky. They negotiate, come to a consensus and she always informs me of their JOINT decisions. Yesterday we were driving and they fell asleep in the car with their shoes off. When I woke them he was helping her put her shoes on and tie them and she had a napkin and was drying the sweat from his face and forehead. They spend more time with each other than with me (all wonderful to me) and in a day might spend five minutes bickering over something very small.














They both love talking on the phone and every conversation sound about the same, "Hello, how are you, huh? Yes...(giggle). I love you very much. Yes...ciao, oh bye, bye!"













I adore everything about them and feel blessed beyond measure.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

I'm Still Here

I've not run away; I'm not in Ethiopia, and I'm not shouting through the street telling everyone my good news. I've just been quietly soaking in the knowing that I am the mother of two amazing little people that will soon call this their home. These two weeks have been the calmest and most reflective time of this entire adoption journey and I feel myself slowly pulling away from the adoption hooohah of it all to the real-life mothering of it all.

For months, I couldn't sleep at night wondering what the first day home with the kids would be like and what we would eat. I now realize that in the two years that I've walked, run, cried, shouted and crawled through this process that I've also obsessed over every decision playing out hundereds of scenarios in my head. At the same time I was also doing some important preparation work for the life we would have together; however nothing prepared me more than going to spend three days with my children in December. They aren't just pictures on a page to me, I know their personalities, I've heard their voices, held their hands, kissed them, wiped their snotty noses, measured their feet, pressed my hands against their hands, and looked deep into their eyes with our foreheads pressed together. I walked out of the gate that night after kissing them on their cheeks knowing that I would return. I can't believe that six months will have passed before I see them again.

I've thought through most decisions that I needed to make for them hundreds of times like church, summer activities, school, language, family introductions, friends, doctors, food, clothes sizes, shoe sizes, sleeping arrangements, and crisis plans. I thought I'd feel more anxious now, more hurried, more how-do-I-get prepared but I just feel very calm and more steady. I'm not frantic about what I will pack or making travel plans that is the easy stuff.

I've researched, made decisions, revised decisions several times and now I am loving not having to wonder how to decide and if I'm making the right decisions. Now, I can just do and undo! I'm much better at doing than talking about doing, And, I've been busy doing things to help make their homecoming and transition a little easier (I hope).

The only unease that I do have is knowing that my children who were two of nine when I was there in December are now the last two of nine older children left at the orphanage. The director has decided to not take more children and they have watched their friends go off to live in Denmark and America and I'm sure they must be wondering what's taking me so long. When I think about that I do get a bit uneasy but, we are at the point of counting days now so even that will be of no more concern. I predict that all the time that has lapsed in between will instantly melt into the right here, right now and we will be in Illinois talking about, the do-you-remember-whens.

I know you all have had questions and I'll try to answer the big one:
  • How old are the kids? My son is 5(ish) and my daughter is 6(ish) probably 7.

  • What are their names? They are Meron and Wondessen. When I'm thinking about them they are affectionately known as Mimi and Desi or Baby Des but since I'm not a nicknames kind of person they may only hear those names sparingly in private moments. I am keeping their names and have chosen to give them Ethiopian middle names that are also Bible place names, much to my Robbin's dismay; however in some circles my baby girl will always be Merin Robbin.

  • Do they know about you and are they excited? They met me in December without knowing that I would be their mother. Since then they have been told and Kelly assures me that they remember me and are excited.

  • Where are their pictures? There are a bunch of them on Facebook and I'm just not comfortable at this point putting them on the blog. I'm still working through this one.

  • When do you travel? I'm keeping that to myself at this point, but I am making plans. Say a prayer that all of the travels go smoothly.



Tuesday, May 19, 2009

A Funny Thing About Adoption

Well, I don't know if this is funny haha but it is funny like curious. Think back to when you first thought about adopting. You spent time really thinking through and about your decision. You researched the process, you go through different scenarios thinking of how you will tell your friends and family.

Then you announce that you've made a decision to adopt. People immediately ask, when do you get the kids?

You spent months explaining and explaining the process and that you have to apply and then get a referral. You spent your weeks or months on the waist list and are so excited that you are getting close to the top and you share your excitement and explain that you are CLOSE. People want to know what's taking so long?

You explain and explain the process. Then you get the call or finally get a referral and you are busting at the seems with JOY! You share your excitement and people ask, so when do you get the kids?

You explain and explain that a referral means a child has been chosen for you and in all of your excitement and happiness people want to know. Well what happened to their parents? When do you get the kid?

You explain and explain and you anxiously, patiently, frantically wait to be assigned a court date. You mark the date in big red letters on a calendar and share the great news and people say, so when you go to the court is that when you get the kids?

You explain and explain and then you nervously, anxiously, patiently, frantically wait for the court date to arrive and maybe it is less that favorable news. You share your disappointment and people console you and then instantly ask, well are you still going to get the kids? Why is it taking so long?

Then May 18th comes and though I'd known for several days that I had a Monday court date I decided not to share it with anybody. That way I didn't have to give updates or explain. I also took a bold step. I decided on Monday to turn my cell phone OFF rather than feel the anxiety of running to it and checking it. I also decided not to check e-mail but rather just wanted to have a normal day and check on things when I felt most at ease.

I had work conference calls scheduled ALL day. I believe that I found out just before noon that the case had been finalized but I found it out browsing e-mail while on a business conference call. It was great news but I decided that I didn't want to share the information but I wanted to keep it ALL to myself. I'd waiting a long time for it and I didn't want to share my thoughts or feelings with ANYBODY. I didn't want to answer questions, I just wanted time to soak it all in by myself.

I believe that I called my father at about 2pm and I knew that he knew not to pepper me with a lot of questions. Like me he was so happy to hear the news that he just wanted time to process it all. We talked without screams or shouts about what it meant to us and for us and then we talked casually about travel options and prices. I had two more work conference calls and then contacted the kid's godfather, it was a simple congratulations because he also understood the long hard road and how important it was to just keep it right there, focused on this one moment of the journey. I had one more conference call and called my best fried at worked I think we both were so overwhelmed that we cried and talked workplace softly about how important and meaningful it was. "Thank God", is all she kept saying. "We did it. We finally did it." It was a quiet fifteen minutes together and we just hung onto the moment. It was very important for me to share the news with these three people who were the first people who ever knew my plans and have supported me in an awesome way for nearly two years.

In between calls I just sat with myself, I went into the kid's room, I touched their things and quietly got on my last conference call for the day. It was just too important a day to shout from the rooftops and take a chance that those within hearing distance would want to rush me on to the next step, "so when do you get the kids?" The moment that I legally became their mother was so monumental that it was not time, is not time to move on to those details.

At about 5:30pm I finally called my coordinator to let her know that I had indeed read her e-mails and that I'd not vanished from the face of the earth but just wanted time to take it all in. She confirmed that what I'd read was true, I was really their mother. That was about the same time that I made the announcement on Facebook. I had so many well wishes and prayers and congratulations and I was truly moved by them all. Still, I need more time for quiet reflection, moments to give heartfelt praise for this step alone without feeling the pressure of what comes next.

Isn't it funny how we pray and ask for things and then when we get it, we barely take time to give thanks before we say, okay now what I need is... I just say thank you for where I am. This final court decree is the BLESSING! I sat down with my friend to celebrate over dinner last night and just enjoyed this BLESSING without talking about what is next.

I've learned through this process that time takes care of itself but praise and thanksgiving is something that we can control. You can ask me but please don't feel offended if I don't answer what is next or when. I'm still reflecting on the wonder of the day and praising Him for this monumental gift.

Thank You!

Monday, May 18, 2009

REJOICE In The Midst of it All

What a day!

I barely got this post in before the strike of midnight. But I stop the clock on my wait since I learned that the adoption was made final today -- May 18, 2009 (32 days since my original court date). The day has brought with it many different emotions, none that I'm sure I could have predicted but more than anything in my heart their is nothing but gratefulness. I am grateful that I was led to this journey, grateful for all the good things that have happened along the way, grateful for the stops and starts, grateful for the high hurdles, and seemingly impossible mountains that I had to climb. I'm grateful that through it all, at every stop along the way when their were doubts, false starts, fear, and disbelief that Jesus kept me not in spite of but in the midst of it all.

This is one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite gospel albums of all times. It sums up me feelings on this day better than any words I could ever say. As I listened to this song today, I think that this not only my song but it is the song of my children as well. There lives don't only begin anew once they find their way to me, Jesus has faithfully kept them through it all, in the midst of it all and no matter what I've gone through at 43 it pales when I compare it to what they have already endured at 5 and 6. There is nothing in my life that I could have ever done to deserve this opportunity and when I did things to blow the opportunity He was ever faithful to me. For that, too, I am grateful.



I've come through many hard trials
Through temptations on every hand
Though Satan's tried to stop me
And to place my feet on sinking sand
Through the pain and all of my sorrows
Through tears and all of my fears
The Lord was there to keep me
For He's kept me in the midst of it all

Not because I've been so faithful
Not Because I've always obeyed
It's not because I trust him
To be with me all of the way
But it's because He loves me so dearly
He was there to answer my call
There always to protect me
For He's kept me in the midst of it all

[Choir:]
I've come through many hard trials
Through temptations on every hand
Though Satan's tried to stop me
And to place my feet on sinking sand
Because Jesus loves me dearly
He was there to answer my call
There always to protect me
For He's kept me in the midst of it all

[Chorus:]
No He's never left me
And He' never let me fall
Oh yes He will protect you
For He's kept me in the midst of it all

[Vamp:]
Yes, He kept me
Yes, Jesus kept me
Jesus kept me [3x], in the midst of it all
For He's kept me in the midst of it all

When I thought I was going to lose my mind.
Jesus kept me. Jesus kept me.
With his power Jesus kept me.
He didn't let me fall. Jesus kept me.
Right there, right there in the midst of it all.
In the midst of it all.

I don't know what you're going through. Jesus kept me.
But would you allow me to encourage you.
I know it he did it for me, for me, for me, for me.
He will do the same for you. In the midst of it all.
Jesus. Jesus. Yes he did!
Jesus. Jesus. Yes he did!
I don't know nobody else to call in time of trouble.
I tried my mother and I know she loved me.
I tried my family and I know they love me.

Nobody but Jesus.
He held my hand, he brought me through.
He wouldn't let me fall, so let me encourage you.
Don't give up! Don't give in!
I don't care what nobody else says. You can win.
With Jesus. With Jesus.
You can make.
Just understand that you have everything inside of you to take it.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Faith Is...

Growing up in the CME church every Sunday we would begin with the Apostle's Creed. The question was, In whom do you believe? We answered, I believe in God the Father Almighty, the maker of heaven and earth and in Jesus Christ His only son our Lord who was conceived by the Virgin Mary, suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified died and buried. The third day he arose from the dead; He ascended into heaven, and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty...


I guess that I've repeated those words so many times in my life that today I can say that my faith is not something that I have to check on moment by moment. It is not situational or engaged because of or in spite of circumstances that change day to day. Either you believe or you do not. I do not have to continually assess the reality, sovereignty, or power of the God of my creation based upon how much or how often I get the things that I want when I want them. Either you believe or you do not.

Faith is for me the core of who I am and not something that I summon to get me through difficult times. Living and walking in faith is not a difficult thing for me. How can I look at the world, my place in it, the situations that I've come through, the grace that I've been shown, all the chances undeserved that I've been given, and not believe that there is something bigger, grander, and more powerful than myself silently moving on my behalf.

It is well, for I have faith that whatever comes in this life I will be what I have been called to be, standing where I have been positioned to stand, and doing what I was called to do.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Touch, Agree, and Believe

This is a call to action for all of my believing-in-spite-of-what-I-see friends that will join me in shaking the foundations, breaking through, and breaking free. So, here is what I will be singing to myself today, the words are so true. What I'm asking you to do is to tell me what you believe in, what you are hoping, and believing for.

Praise, they say confuses the enemy and I'm wondering if we can drive him stark raving mad. That's my goal and that's my plan. Try to listen to this song a couple of times and see if it doesn't lift your spirits.



I Still Believe
Marvin Winans

I still believe in marriages made in heaven.
And that love will conquer all.
I've been hurt but not deceived.
Regardless of what has happened I still believe.

I still believe in predestination and eternal purpose
All things work together for my good
Opposition comes against me yet still I proceed
Cause no matter what I'm facing I still believe.

Now remember faith the size of a mustard seed
Has the potential of endless possibilities
And if you just keep the faith
The promise of a better day is a guarantee

I've been through enough to make me cynical
Cold-hearted, mean, and just disagreeable
But, I have chosen to believe in a happy day for me
Filled with miracles. Oh just a happy day -- the sun is shining.

I still believe in waterfalls and sunsets
And that dreams really do come true
Hope springs eternal in those who believe
That's why no matter what happens, I still believe

I really do believe
I believe in the good of all mankind
I believe behind the clouds the sun still shines
I believe there is coning a brighter day
I believe that our children will lead the way.
I believe that trouble won't last -- always
Joy is coming in the morning

Every mountain be exalted
Rough places made plain
I believe that the lion will lay down with the lamb
I believe that we will if we will that we can
Don't you ever stop moving towards the promise land
I believe that trouble won't last always
I believe that trouble won't last always

No matter what you are going through
I want you to believe that you will, I want you know that you can
And never stop helping your fellow man
Keep the faith, keep the faith
We're going to make, we're gonna make it if you just keep believing
Keep on hoping, keep on trusting
It's going to be alright, that's what I believe

I believe it I really do
I believe

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Baby Sister Robbin and the Peeps

All of us have to remember when you are given a vision and a dream it is yours and yours alone and no matter how rocky the road gets, how crooked the turns turn, how high you have to climb, or how many times you have to stumble before you make it you have been more than equipped for the dream that He handed specifically to you. Until He takes that desire from your heart or closes every door it is only His saying, "well done" that matters.

When they start getting on that last nerve, put on your best Etta James impression and just tell them it ain't their business. You should be smiling because Tami is Chaka Kahn.

Ain't No Need To Worry

Finding comfort wherever I can, I'm usually drawn to the music that has always been a big part of my life and faith. The message is simple it's the doing that takes more work.




Ain't no need in worrying
what the night is gonna bring,
it'll be all over in the morning.

There's a fear of night fall,
when darkness comes and covers all the day.
Sometimes we feel pain,
but there are things that we can change, just pray.

Ain't no need to worry,
what the night is gonna bring,
it'll be all over in the morning.

Troubles come, but they do pass.
Heartaches hurt but they don't last always.
Sometimes we feel pain,
but there are things that we can change, just pray.

In the morning, the morning,
it'll be all over in the morning.
It'll be all over in the morning.

Makes no different how dark the night,
if you trust in God, it'll be alright;
(it'll be all over in the morning).
It makes no difference how long the day,
trust in God, He'll make a way;
(it'll be all over in the morning).

Weeping will last, but only for awhile,
but when the sun shines,
you'll wear a smile;
(it'll be all over in the morning).

Suns gonna shine on your face
and make you feel like you can run this race
and you can be a winner.
Take the prize and go home.
It will be over in the morning.

Hold on, it will be over in the morning.
Hold on it will be over in the morning

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Were Are My Believers?

I actually have this "cassette" and it is really in my car. Thanks to YouTube I can share the video, song, and words with you. I'm sure you will agree that they fit, though you may enjoy the words better than the song. We have to keep believing.




If You Believe in Me?

Time, of rise and fly, over me, to the sea,
Love is a pride, wait for me, wait for me,

If you believe in me,
I will believe in what will be,
We want the world you've only dreamed of,
Promise of the seasons,
Give us the future please,
That's all we need of you.

Running in circles,
Desperate we hold to yours and mine,
Using my body,
Closing our hearts and eyes.

Oh no, open the door and let the wind blow,
Take my hand, together we stand in the eye of the hurricane.

If you believe in me
I will believe in what will be,
We want the world you've only dreamed of,
Promise of the seasons,
Give us the future please,
That's all we need of you.

Every nation, every woman, child and man
Comes on a moment, where they must take a stand,

Oh no, forget what you know, just let the wind blow,
Blown apart, you open your heart, and that's where anything can be.

If you believe in me
I will believe in what will be,
We want the world you've only dreamed of,
Promise of our seasons,
Give us the future please,
That's all we need of you.

Out of control, out of my mind, at last,
Into my dreams, we sailed away.

If you believe in me
I will believe in what will be,
We want the world you've only dreamed of,
Promise of our seasons,
Give us the future please,
That's all we need of you.

Oh sing it children
(If you believe in me)
Got to believe
(I will believe in what will be,)
Tell `em what you want
(We want the world you've only dreamed of,)
World you've only dreamed of
(Promise of our seasons,)
(Give us the future please, )
(That's all we need of you.)

If you believe in me
I will believe in what will be,
We want the world you've only dreamed of,
Promise of our seasons,
Give us the future please,
That's all we need of you.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Each One Teach One

Thanks for all of the responses to my post from April 15 and 16. I was really touched by the things you shared and it made me more aware that how I've walked through my journey and the things that I've shared have had a positive impact on others. Believe me, I learn and grow as much from all of you as some of you have learned from me.

There was one comment left on my blog yesterday that I wanted to post today. Thank you Theresa for the passage of scripture you sent. I know that others will appreciate it as well.


"If it seems slow, be patient!
For it will surely take place.
It will not be late by a single day."
Habakkuk 2:3

This passage brought me immediate comfort when I read it. I checked BibleGateway to find what version of the bible it was from and in the process found other interesting interpretations of this scripture.

The Message: This vision-message is a witness pointing to what's coming.It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait! And it doesn't lie.If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time.

New Living: This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.

New International Reader: The message I give you waits for the time I have appointed. It speaks about what is going to happen. And all of it will come true. It might take a while. But wait for it. You can be sure it will come. It will happen when I want it to.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

My Biological Clock is Ticking

You may have noticed that my court date clock stopped ticking at about 10am this morning, but it seems that my biological clock is still ticking and I thank God for that. As my mother would say if time keeps passing and you're not getting older it means that you are dead. Well, I am alive! I wish that I had more exciting news to share with you today but the waits not yet over. My case was heard and they yet need more information. I was determined to not allow the news to overtake me and I've held together pretty well.

The song that I heard over and over in my head today was, "I Still Have Joy". After all that I've been through, I still have joy. I reflected on my favorite chapter of the bible, Philippians 4 and on days like this I have to remember that the scripture says that I know how to live in abundance and how to live without but for whatever state I am in I know to be content. If I thought it would help, I'd scream and shout about how unfair it is but life is not fair nor is favor. I went through a list of songs like, "Ain't No Need to Worry," and "It's Been Along Time Coming."

I even found myself singing, "I've had some good days, and I've had some hills to climb. I've had some weary days, and some sleepless nights. But when I look around and when I think things over, you know my good days outweigh my bad days so I won't complain. -- And then I ask the Lord why so much pain. But I found out that he knows what's best for me although my weary eyes don't see. So, I'll say thank you Lord, I won't complain."

Then I played my Marvin Sapp stand by "Have you ever had a need that He did not meet or a situation and He did not come through? There's no question of Your greatness, nor searching of your power. Of the wonder of Your glory, to You 40 years is but one hour. Your knowledge is all encompassing and too your wisdom there is no end...Be all glory and honor, dominion and power for ever and ever, amen." I even sang a couple of lines of Mary J. Blige, I'm not gonna cry.

In the end I decided that it is my favorite gospel song of all times that fits me today that says, "What do you do when you've done all you can, seems like it's never enough? Tell me what do you say when friends walk away and you're alone? Tell me what do you give when you've given your all and you can't make it through? Well, you just stand when there's nothing left to do, you stand and watch the Lord see you through. After you've done all you can do then you just stand. How can you smile when your heart has been broken and so filled with pain? What do you do when you've done all that you can and it seems like you can't make it through? You just stand, don't you dare give up. Through the storm, through the rain, through the heartache, through the pain. Don't you bow, don't you bend, don't give up, don't give in. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. After you've done all you can, just stand."

So let's not get to down. Let's look forward and shout for what will be! I need you guys to prop me up just a little and let's try to celebrate what will come.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Tuesday Leaves Us With Two Days

I know that I say this every few months but I think I've developed a reputation for being really deep and serious. That is a part of me but I'm also really silly, just ask the girls that call me on the phone. With two days to go (although no one is really counting -- wink, wink) I've been in a very light-hearted mood. I've had a few moments of distraction but mostly I've been humming, whistling, or singing under my breath unfortunately getting a few looks as I pass people by. I've been falling asleep too early which means I wake up too early like 4:00am. My normal wake-up without an alarm clock is 4:30 so go figure. Anyway, since my last song brought up so much teary-eyed emotion, I kept thinking what song could I share that would express how I'm feeling today. Can't really explain it but I found myself singing one song today and then the other came to mind. So, the double play today includes two classics by Diana Ross.

Y'all had better sing too.

I'm coming out. I'm coming out I want the world to know got to let it show. I'm coming out I want the world to know I got to let it show. There's a new me coming out and I just had to live and I wanna give, I'm completely positive. I think this time around I am gonna do it, like you never do it, like you never knew it. Ooh, I'll make it through!

The time has come for me, to break out of the shell. I have to shout that I'm coming out. I'm coming out I want the world to know. Got to let it show I'm coming out I want the world to know I got to let it show.

I've got to show the world all that I wanna be and all my abilities, there's so much more to me. Somehow, I have to make them just understand I got it well in hand and, oh, how I've planned I'm spreadin' love there's no need to fear and I just feel so glad every time I hear: I'm coming out I want the world to know. Got to let it show I'm coming out I want the world to know I got to let it show.



Hit #2 -Sing...

If you need me, call me, no matter where you are, no matter how far. Just call my name and I'll be there in a hurry on that you can depend and never worry. No wind, no rain, no winters cold can stop me babe if you're my goal. Aint' no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough, that can keep me from you.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Feeling Like I Do With Three Days to Go


In case you're wondering how I'm feeling with barely three days of waiting in front of me; just listen to the emotions and words to this classic Stevie Wonder song called Overjoyed. It's hopeful optimism with a little bit of cautious defiance. Like Stevie I almost defy anyone to try and turn me back now, it just won't happen.




Over time, I've been building my castle of love
Just for two, though you never knew you were my reason
Ive gone much too far for you now to say
That Ive got to throw my castle away

Over dreams, I have picked out a perfect come true
Though you never knew it was of you I've been dreaming
The sandman has come from too far away
For you to say come back some other day

And though you don't believe that they do, they do come true
For did my dreams come true when I looked at you
And maybe too, if you would believe, you two might be
Overjoyed, over loved, over me

Over hearts, I have painfully turned every stone
Just to find, I had found what I've searched to discover
I've come much too far for me now to find
The love that I've sought can never be mine

And though you don't believe that they do, they do come true
For did my dreams come true when I looked at you
And maybe too, if you would believe, you two might be
Overjoyed, over loved, over me

And though the odds say improbable
What do they know
For in romance
All true love needs is a chance
And maybe with a chance you will find
You too like I
Overjoyed, over loved, over you, over you

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Five Days to Reflect

I am at five days and counting and reaching this point has allowed me to be really reflective. God never promised that the road would be easy only that He would lead us every step of the way. In honor of this Resurrection weekend and the five short days that I have for this amazing life change, I wanted to share with you one of my favorite post. I smile now when I read this.


Where is Your Faith?
Reposted from July 11, 2008


I know that I can't be the only person that has shed a few tears while going through this process. Some of you have cried buckets. First there were the happy tears and the excitement of every little thing like receiving a call back from the agency, getting a package in the mail or even writing one of the big checks.

SNAGS ALONG THE WAY
Maybe you have hit a few snags along the way. Maybe you have faced a mountain or tried to fight your way through a brick wall. I know that there have been days where you've said that it was all too much, that it was taking too long, that you wanted to quit. Maybe you were forced to place your plans on hold because family or financial circumstances have changed so drastically.

Maybe it was days of doubt and second guessing. Maybe it was looking for signs that you were on the right path and all you got were bright flashing red lights or stop signs or detours down one-way streets that led to dead ends. I know that there are families that have had long referral waits, missed referrals, lost referrals, failed court dates, and long delays before travel. The biggest heartbreak that I've heard is of families with referrals and the children passed away before ever reaching them. Then you have to try and wrap your heart around different child and a different picture than the one who's picture you originally fell in love with.

ALL TOO MUCH
Maybe I'm just talking about myself but there have been times that I have cried out and asked what is all of this for. Several days ago I woke up just in time to hear a television minister say, "God does not respond to our needs and wants, God responds to our faith." We can't bully him into our way of thinking either.

I had to remind myself that hope that is seen is not hope for if I can see it then what am I hoping for? This is a faith walk like no other to me. I know that I have some powerful sisters walking this same walk and feeling the same way. In our lives we have been able create spreadsheets and checklist; write the plan, work the plan, influence others to our way of thinking, and call upon our strong will and determination to make things happen, usually in our favor. I feel like I've met my match.

THE FAITH TO HOLD ON
And...at the end of all of this, what He has for us is what we have. The children that we get are the children that were destined for us at the beginning. They are those that were chosen just for us. They may or may not be what we dreamed or hoped in our minds. They may be older, faster, slower, louder, happier, sadder, taller, smaller, or more ill, more stubborn, more afraid or more hurt. They may be wore wise, more astute, more mature, or more intelligent. They may be more loving and more giving, more patient and more kind. More faithful, much stronger, more steadfast, and more sure.

My faith is in the knowing that while we are seeking our hearts desire, God is desiring our hearts to open and our faith to grow. That's not a lesson I'm giving to others, it is the lesson that I've learned for myself. This is not an easy path that we've chosen but it is our path. Everything that comes along the way is exactly what is meant for us. Trusting that is required.

I may wake up every morning with my mind on Ethiopia, but my faith lies in knowing that God's plan for me is far beyond anything that I could plan for myself. That's why I can't seem to understand every little twist and turn. Often I have to remind myself, it isn't about me anyway. It is about children who are hoping, dreaming, believing, praying and waiting.

FAITH OF THE CHILDREN
Maybe, just maybe God is working this whole thing out by their faith so it is the children's prayers that are being answered. Maybe they need one more day in the arms of nannies that have nursed them back to health. Maybe they want more time sitting at the table eating injera and doro wat. Maybe they need more time with parents, sisters and brothers that they will never see again and just need to feel the tender hands of grandparents that have to let them go. Maybe they need to hear how wonderful and special they are in their own language or play in the courtyards with friends who truly understand.

Maybe they are praying for parents that are strong enough, patient enough, committed enough, faithful enough, and loving enough. Maybe they are just not ready to leave the only place they've called home knowing that they may never return. Maybe they are afraid of what lies ahead or who is waiting for them. Maybe just maybe they want to fill their own hopes and dreams and not carry the weight of a country that hopes for them or parents that need them to close their own open holes. Maybe we can learn faith from them that have nothing, who can do nothing but trust all the adults that work on their behalf or have an abiding faith in their creator. Maybe just maybe it is not us that are waiting for them but they that are waiting for us to be prepared and not just ready or anxious.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

The Time Grows Near

The number SEVEN symbolizes Spiritual Perfection and is found 700 times in the bible. In the Book of Revelation there are SEVEN churches, SEVEN Spirits, SEVEN stars, SEVEN seals, SEVEN trumpets, SEVEN vials, SEVEN personages, SEVEN dooms, and SEVEN new things.

How amazing it is that I sit to write this post, having but seven days to finalize this process. I think back to October 28, 2008 when the bottom fell out and the doors of hell opened wide, the skies got dark, and found myself sucked into some alternate reality and saw the ugliest side of adoption. It took its toll on me and almost consumed me until I realized that I was complicit and although I'd not signed up for it I was playing my part in what was becoming a merry go round of insanity. I decided to get off the ride. I refused to play the game any more and was willing to walk away from adoption all together. The price had become to high and it simply wasn't worth the fight if in fighting I was losing myself, my perspective, my dignity, and my self-respect. It just wasn't worth it.

On December 1, I made a decision and that was to end my pursuit of adoption. I was calm and rational and had decided that my money would have be better spent on a three week vacation and my time better used pursuing a PhD. It was when I finally made that decision to let it all go that a sense of peace and calm came over me and I knew I had made the right decision; it was like a heavy burden had been lifted. That morning I was on the computer looking for vacation trips and I received a call from my adoption nightingale named Robbin asking why I'd not responded to her emails. To be honest I just hadn't read them, they had something to do with adoption and I was finished with that, proud and happy with my choice, feeling a sense of freedom to move on with my life. I told Robbin about my plans and she asked me to first look at the e-mails that she had sent.

The e-mail in my mailbox was from ANOTHER adoption agency letting Robbin know that they indeed had a brother and sister between the ages of 3-7 that they were actively trying to place. Without my knowledge Ms. Robbin had reached out to this agency on my behalf. As I read the e-mail half-heartedly, refusing to be sucked in, the e-mail suggested that if I were interested and if I indeed had a dossier that we could proceed quickly. I'd heard all of this before and I tried to ignore the e-mail. My dossier had been returned from Ethiopia some days before. I didn't want to see pictures, I didn't want to hear stories, I didn't want to open myself up to be crushed again. Why did I get this e-mail today, after I'd decided to let it all go? It took me a day or two and then I thought I would at least inquire, but I made it clear that I was pretty jaded from my experiences. I was cautious and throwing up my own red flags almost hoping that the agency would say, it was too difficult. But, I received the opposite. To everyone of my cautions, I received, "We can work with that." Of course they could, it's always easy in the beginning, everyone is always so accommodating until...right?

I still don't know what allowed me to open up to the possibility but in my heart, I didn't want a new set of kids. I wanted the kids whose pictures had sat on the dresser in their room for six months. I wanted the kids that I believed were coming home in December. I wasn't even sure that I could wrap my heart around these new kids and I surely couldn't wrap my mind around the thought of more paperwork. The agency was making it too easy for me, they decided to accept my documents as they were. Somehow I fought through it all and made it to this point.

As I've told stories about my trip to Ethiopia that began on December 25, I've not said much about why. I just could not fall in love with another picture, I had lost the ability to trust or believe in information that was told to me by a virtual stranger on the other end of the phone. I had to see these new children, to touch them, to talk to them, to see if I had any thing left for them. The rose colors had been completely wiped away from my romanticized view of adoption and I needed to know if they were real and if my heart would be able to love them. I had to know how they would react or respond to me and I could only do that in Ethiopia.

It was with those mixed feelings that I rushed to throw a trip together in two days. After I returned feeling that every single thing about my adoption journey finally made sense and that every hurdle I had was only to lead me to these two special and precious gifts. Sitting on the steps at the orphanage I knew that as surely as I knew my own name. Through all the pain that I'd experienced I sat on the steps and laughed when I looked at them and I knew...these two children had only entered the orphanage in September, 2008 really near the time that my previous adoption began to unravel.

It's amazing how time has revealed this story and how effortless every move has been drawing me closer to these two little souls. From my first knowledge of them on December 3, 2009 to traveling on December 25, to completing a new dossier on January 19, 2009, to getting my court date on February 16 and then having that date moved up so that now we are waiting only seven short days for the court hearing that will finalize this adoption. It's been a life altering experience. It took me many weeks to remove the other pictures from the dresser, it took another couple of weeks to add the new ones, but since that time, I haven't looked back and have no regrets. What I have instead is a spirit of gratefulness.

Were it not for Susan, Robbin, Leah, and most importantly my dad, encouraging me, consoling me, pushing me, guiding me, and holding me up I would not have had the strength or desire to continue. When I resolved to quit they told me that I had to move forward and when my will was not strong enough, they willed this dream for me. For there strong unwavering belief in me, the constant support that they gave me, and the many prayers they prayed for me, I will be forever grateful. You are all apart of an amazing story that I will tell for years.

For all of you who have been so gracious and kind over this nearly two year journey, please keep me and the kids in your thoughts and prayers as the time grows near and we make our way closer to family.

Friday, March 27, 2009

And Then I Kissed the President: Part II

Read Part I:

Well...I left Gedaye's house the same way they I walked in, I'd taken off the traditional dress but kept the head wrap to cover the rollers. Yes, I walked through the streets of Ethiopia with rollers in my hair. I walked through the courtyard hugged and kissed the kids as I made my way my way to the blue gate. This had already been a long day and it wasn't even 4:00 yet.

I made my way back to the hotel, I walked up those three flights of pretty white marble stairs, I took two hits on the rescue inhaler to catch my breath. I hope you can understand how much rushing around that I had to do. I tried on a couple of things and they were shorter than I remembered and even those that weren't did not go with those ugly brown sensible shoes with the wedge heel. I pulled out my long flowered skirt with the bright orange trim and then remembered that I'd brought a knit two piece set. You know a sweater set but it was knit material. That would have to do. I felt like I was going to a church meeting, you know how you feel when you are dressed but not feeling it? I decided right then and there if I was going to the PALACE I was not going to let a silly pair of shoes get me down. I knew what I had to do. I had to work it out, put a smile on my face, and walk proudly out the door.

Always, always accentuate the positives, so I concentrated on the upper half, I whipped my hair and applied a flawless painted face with extra lip gloss for shine. My goal was to draw attention to my face so that no one would feel that they needed to look down. From the neck up I looked good and took a picture of my self to prove it! You all have seen it a couple of post back. I got down to the lobby right at 3:30 and saw that my host was still dressed in her same outfit from earlier in the day. It was cute but I instantly realized that she obviously had not gone through the same pull-everything-out-of-your-suitcase-and-try-it-on event that I had. She looked great. Like me she focused on prettying up the face.

We headed out of the lobby and all I had in my hand was my small wallet that was large enough to hold my passport. This was shocking since I'd become known for carrying a big bag around with every pill, disinfectant, food, and what not in it. I hadn't asked many questions, well I hadn't asked any questions and jumped in the white CARGO van for the ride. As we pulled away, I was fascinated watching my host drive that stick shift wearing that long gown. We started driving and this was the first time I was passing the same sights that I'd only seen in the darkness of my arrival two night before. On the corner was a makeshift market selling clothes and shoes. My hostess with the mostest decided that we should sing as we drove to make the time go faster. She decided to sing The First Noel and Silent Night. We sung these songs a couple of times until we had two part harmony going. We sang and laughed in between. I just starred out the window trying to take in every site. It was obvious that we were traveling through several residential areas and there was so much to see.

I still really didn't know where I was going and to be truthful I didn't see anything that made me feel like we were getting closer to the palace. Maybe Gedaye was right afterall. Well we finally made it to a main road, rounded a corner and without warning pulled up to a cast iron gate. The gate was closed and as we pulled the car up a man dressed in a gray suit approached the van. He had a clip board and instantly checked off my host' name. Then it would became like something out of a movie. Amharic, Amharic, laugh, laugh as the man continued to pour of the list of names obviously not finding my name there. He turned the pages over, he looked at the list that I could tell were late additions because they were written in ink and not typed. I was NOT on the list and we just sat at the pretty gate. My hostess was relaxed and leaning out the window. Amharic, Amharic, laugh, laugh and they opened the gate and we pulled forward. We pulled inside the gate but not too far. She pulled the car over to the side and another person approached with a clipboard. It was obvious that I wasn't on the list but not obvious whether or not I'd be able to attend. We sat there for about 10 minutes while we saw several people, some armed, some not go back and forth trying to decide what should be done.

My hostess grabbed her cell phone and called inside the palace. She handed the phone to one of the people standing there, there were probably 10 near the gate acting in some official capacity. We were asked to step out of the van. I took a deep breath. "Is everything okay?" I asked her not really sure what was going on. The next thing I know a man came with a mirror attached to a large poll and started searching under the vehicle. I took a deep breath, but my hostess was so relaxed and interacting knowingly with the people near the gate. There was a guard shed and I saw one of the men pick up and talk on the phone. We stood outside the van and I tried to act very unconcerned. It wasn't scary, just uncertain. Finally we were approached by two women in military uniforms with guns. They directed us to follow them and we walked across a little courtyard to a small bricked structure. I took a deep breath and followed along like I do this everyday. They searched us like that do with the wand at the airport. They went through my wallet and examined my passport. We were cleared? Yea, WE were cleared. We went back across the courtyard and down about three steps to where the van was parked. We got back in and drove down a little farther to the parking spaces.

This was the first time that I actually looked around. I was on the grounds of the palace. I was at the home of the sitting President. This was not Menelik's Palace. I couldn't wait to tell Gedaye. We got out and I looked back up the hill to see the others stopped at the gate, pulled to the side, ushered to the guard house, and walking the path I was walking. The grounds were beautiful, It was so green, with a lot of trees. I could see two building in the distance and we kept walking leisurely towards them. As we walked, my hostess told me about the grounds and that their were lions there. It was pretty casual conversation for such a once in a lifetime event.

It was a beautiful serene place. I'm not sure that even I can find the words to describe how it seemed we went into a tropical paradise. We walked down the drive and rounded the corner passing one building on our way to the second. Ahead of me a get see a small line of people forming on the steps to the entrance. As I got closer I realized that I was standing on the red carpet that I assumed had been rolled out for the occaision although I still didn't know what we were celebrating. I walked up the red carpeted stairs to an attendant that asked for my wallet and searched it an then she grabbed a clipboard looking for my name. Amharic, Amharic, I was not on the list. My hostess was obviously known to the people they exchanged smiles and laughs and unbelievably I was motioned to move through the metal detector that was the last stage before entering these tall magnificent golden doors. The doors were huge and the carvings were magnificent. That provided us entry to these huge and regal room that was like something from a movie. It was about the size of a footbal field or two basketball courts.

Once we stepped into this palatial place there were seating groups at both far ends of the room and interspersed at places in between. To my immediate left there were several different types of chairs formed in a U shape facing a settee. There were glass towers that ad encased the largest vases that I'd ever seen. To my right far down were a group of priest, maybe eight or nine dressed in the traditional garb that you see in the pictures. There was a bar section next to them that had wrapped gifts on it. We were ushered across the room and seated on a long settee. When I sat down I saw four or five more of these grouped sitting areas and there were two stuffed lions on the floor facing the huge open doorway. After I sat down facing the door I looked to my right and there was another group. There was a man that was all dressed in white traditional clothes leaned back in a very high back chair. I looked down and saw that he was wearing white gym shoes. I didn't know who he was but I was instantly more comfortable in my wedges.

As I sat in my spot, curling my legs behind me, I just observed all around me. People walked in and they were directed to certain areas of the room to sit. Some where dressed in sequens and some who were much younger were wearing jeans, I could tell that they must have been family members. Men were dressed in suits and some ladies had on traditional garb. Some looked regal and royal and others looked like they were going to church. It became clear that you were seated by your importance and then I realized that they group to my right was the most important when a gentleman came and asked that we follow him and we walked right towards that group of Quenn Anne styled chairs. I was asked to walk down one side of the U and introduced as some stood, some shook, my hands, and others kissed my cheek. I don't know it was maybe six people and then at the bottom of the U was the man in white, wearing tennis shoes. Next to him was a man sitting in another high back chair. I was told that he was the son of the President and who do you think was to his right in the tennis shoes, it was the President of Ethiopia. He looked up at me and called out my last name with a big smile and a hearty laugh. He looked like a black Santa Clause with the beard or funny red suit. I was so surprised that he called me by name and he said, "Of course I know who you are, I asked for you to come." He extended his hand and as I reached out to shake it, he drew me in closer and that's when I kissed the President or more accurately that when he kissed as only Ethiopians do on the cheek. The right side, then the left, and then the right. I got carried away and kissed him again on the left and they laughed at me. He looked up at my hostess and said, "She is not Ethiopian?" And, then he asked me if I was sure and where my father was born. We were kind of moved along by the group following us. I met the other dignitaries as we completed the U, like the Minister of Foreign Affairs.

We moved back to our seating area and were approached by two handsome butlers rolling a drink cart. They had on nice shiny black shoes, black pants, and bright white jackets with black bow ties. They wheeled this nice cart up to us and asked what we wanted to drink. I asked for red wine but in Amharic it must sound like Black Label because that's what he began to pour. After a couple of points and head nods, I had a glass of Merlot. We sat and I watched more people come in and whenever someone more important would come in, someone near the President would be asked to surrender their seat. I was there, it was surreal and maybe after 30 or 40 minutes when all the quest had arrived two men went and closed the big, heavy, golden doors. The President stood up and walked and a procession of people followed him through another open doorway. Just as we had been seated, someone official came and asked us to follow. Wow, there were six long tables with about 12 people each and a head table.

Within minutes I learned that I was one of some 70 or 80 people that had been invited to his 85th birthday party. If I wasn't there I wouldn't have believed it myself. Sitting across from me was a French businessman with a beautiful Paul Newman type face and strong accent. Next to him was his beautiful Ethiopian girlfriend who owns a fashion magazine. There were some introductions, a brief video presentation, and then the magazine owner who is also a known poet in Ethiopia stood to read a special poem that she had written for him. A priest stood and delivered a prayer. The table was lavishly set and there were like 8 glasses in front of each person. Butlers and servants were busy pouring wine and water for the guest and table by table was being ushered to go into another long room were the food was served buffet style. There was a mix of American food and Ethiopian food, there was a separate table for those that were fasting. There was injera and assorted American style rolls and curiously at the end of each table where large bowls of potato chips. I fixed my plate and returned to my table.

We had so much fun with the couple sitting across from us and in that moment between French and Amharic accents I felt like an international traveler. We talked and ate and then they rolled in a big birthday cake with the numbers 85 appearing from the top. We stood and someone made a champaigne toast and then my hostess began singing Happy Birthday in English and everyone chimed in. They thing sang it again in Amharic and I'm sure sang the part about "how old are you?" There was more laughter and exchange of jokes with the people across the table and then the President stood up and walked back towards the large open room and to his seat. We all followed out of the room one table at a time and then were directed to sign the commemorative picture in gold pen. We all stood around watching others take their turn signing the matted frame around the picture of the President.

After that we were escorted back to where the President was sitting. There were two chairs, one on each side of him. That's when my friend and I were escorted to the chairs to sit and take pictures with the President. The ending to my night at the palace was sitting next to him while he laughed only calling me by my last name. There was an official photographer but in between the pictures the President said, "(last name)... you have arrived from what city?"

I answered, "Chicago?" (picture) He said, "I was there many years ago, it is the home of Obama. I was there in 1950" He laughed when I told him I'd not be born yet and then pointed at the photographer and told me to smile. (picture) "Obama will be a great President and you are from his great city. (Last name) it was a pleasure having you here." We rose from our seats flanking the President and on our way out invited the three people that had been sitting across from us back to the hotel for drinks.

I was asked if I took pictures and the answer is no, because cameras are not even allowed onto the grounds. However, my friend has contacted me and let me know that she was sent my pictures and that she will keep them until I return. So, there are pictures of me and the President. In case you are wondering what I wrote in gold ink on his commemorative picture, I wrote,

"Happy Birthday and may God grant you many more days of greatness. These are the greetings I bring to you from the USA home of President Barak Obama. Valarie A. (last name)"

Original Court Date: April 18, 2009
Final Court Date: May 18, 2009
[607 total days & 165 days w/IAN]