Why Write a Blog?

Someone in the adoption community wrote that people should not take blogs written by adoptees, prospective or adoptive parents too seriously. The poster believes that the ONLY people who write blogs are those people on extreme ends of the spectrum. They are either too happy or too made to offer any information worth reading.


I started wondering what end of the spectrum I was on. I've been extremely happy, mad, sad,angry and just about every other emotion over the last 10 months. I don't think that I have extreme views (not always popular) but definitely not extreme.

So here are the 10 reasons that I write my blog:

1. I can and it's free.
   
   
2. It's easier to search through what I write on the blog than it is to search through 15 year stack of notebooks that I keep piled on my shelves.
   
   
3. As I searched the web and found useful information too often I couldn't find the source again. I started this as a way to log information that I found useful for the adoption.
   
   
4. People read it! Who knew? There have been almost 30,000 page views on my blog. When I started getting a lot of email saying that people thought it was helpful or they learned something, I felt a real responsibility for the type of information that I put out.
   
   
5. It beats futile debates on adoption forums and scoldings from moderators. It gives me big platform to speak my mind without censoring. I do; however self-edit and have about 100 post in draft that weren't quite fit for worldwide distribution. Uh...you wouldn't want to see those.
   
   
6. It's fun to do! I've met amazing adoptive parents through this blog and we have laugh, yelled, and cried together and then laughed all over again. Thanks to you all and you know who you are.
   
   
7. I've been able to track my progress and see how I've grown. I'm not any taller but I think my head is bigger from all the new knowledge. I've grown a lot.
   
   
8. It allowed me to channel all of my restless energy, celebrate the small victories, and post YouTube videos of soul stirring gospel music. Of course I do have my soul Christmas and DJ hits as well.
   
   
9. I thought I had something worthwhile to say and I didn't need anyone's permission to say it. I am also more than strong enough to shoulder any criticism that it brings. You have to take the good with the bad.
   
   
10. I just wanted to. It's been so much fun.

I think that I write a blog that's informative, thoughtful, and reflective (there might even be a little humor now and then). In doing so, I felt a strong need it to show a respect for the children I wait for, the parents and the community that gave birth to them. I was conscious of never promoting an agency or judging the culture. I've been able to share my story and point of view without revealing the all of the personal and most intimate details of my life.

I love research and I love to write. For those who keep reading, you only encourage me. If you want me to shut up and go away, take a number, get in line. (The blogger types, wearing a big smile).

Are We Ever Done?

I've been tracking my list of to-do items since April, happy to get even the least little bit done. Still, there is more to do.

Jan said that I need a new list. Now, I don't know if Jan is trying to rain on my "feeling very accomplished" parade or she is just trying to let me know that our work is NEVER done. I mean are the kids here yet?

So, Jan here is my new list and I dedicate it to you. (smile)

1. Get final shots.
2. Create 30-60 day post-adoption calendar.
3. Set up introduction appointment with international clinic.
4. Order mattresses and bedding.
5. Set up kids room.
6. Set up kids bathroom.
7. Confirm date for Chicago shower. Decide on Indianapolis shower.
8. Decide what to include in referral package.
9. Get rid of any other unnecessary shred of clothing, knick-knack, and junk.
10. Attend Berhane Wongle Ethiopian Church (again).
    
11. Contact Ethiopian Community Association about donations.

That's it! I had to struggle with some of that. I am really trying to pace myself and do things a little at a time. I do have an overall goal of no excess clutter by the time the furniture arrives. I have about three weeks.

Oh yea, #12 KEEP WAITING!

A New Ethio-Name Resource

I'm always looking for good resources and this one is pretty good. It list names, words, phrases in Amharic. It has the name spelled in Amharic with pronunciation.

In a couple of steps you should be able to find the meaning, pronunciation, and meaning of many names.

Here is the link but it is not exactly in alphabetical order. So here is my suggestion.

Alternative to the directions below that I just learned myself: Go directly to the dictionary, type the name into the second (Amharic character) search field. Using your keyboard it will change the typed characters to Amharic. You should be able to get the meaning that way.

1. Copy and paste the line below in Google (as a search not a URL)
   
   nlp.amharic.org/resources/lexical/word-lists
   
   
2. Add the child's name before or after the text.
   
   EXAMPLE: valarie nlp.amharic.org/resources/lexical/word-lists
   
   
3. Hit search. When the information comes up look at the block of text. Under it you will find the word "cache". Click on "cache".
   
   If you are not familiar with this function it will highlight the word(s) you are looking for. That way you can scroll the list quicker.
   
   
4. When you find the name you will see the Amharic letters, then the pronunciation, then the American spelling.
   
   
5. Highlight and copy the Amharic letters and go to the English / Amharic dictionary.
   
   
6. Paste the Amharic letters in the second search field. The one with the Amharic characters. Hit the search for that field. This will give you the meaning of the name.

It's really not complicated but I think it could be fun and help some people find names that aren't on other list. Happy Hunting!

Where is Your Faith?

I know that I can't be the only person that has shed a few tears while going through this process. Some have cried buckets. First there were the happy tears and the excitement of every little thing like receiving a call back from the agency, getting a package in the mail or even writing one of the big checks.

SNAGS ALONG THE WAY
Maybe you have hit a few snags along the way. Maybe you have faced a mountain or tried to fight your way through a brick wall. I know that there have been days where you've said that it was all too much, that it was taking too long, that you wanted to quit. Maybe you were forced to place your plans on hold because family or financial circumstances have changed so drastically.

Maybe it was days of doubt and second guessing. Maybe it was looking for signs that you were on the right path and all you got were bright flashing red lights or stop signs or detours down one-way streets that led to dead ends. I know that there are families that have had long referral waits, missed referrals, lost referrals, failed court dates, and long delays before travel. The biggest heartbreak that I've heard is of families with referrals and the children passed away before ever reaching them. Then you have to try and wrap your heart around different child and a different picture than the one who's picture you originally fell in love with.

ALL TOO MUCH
Maybe I'm just talking about myself but there have been times that I have cried out and asked what is all of this for. Several days ago I woke up just in time to hear a television minister say, "God does not respond to our needs and wants, God responds to our faith." We can't bully him into our way of thinking either.

I had to remind myself that hope that is seen is not hope for if I can see it then what am I hoping for? This is a faith walk like no other to me. I know that I have some powerful sisters walking this same walk and feeling the same way. In our lives we have been able create spreadsheets and checklist; write the plan, work the plan, influence others to our way of thinking, and call upon our strong will and determination to make things happen, usually in our favor. I feel like I've met my match.

THE FAITH TO HOLD ON
And...at the end of all of this, what He has for us is what we have. The children that we get are the children that were destined for us at the beginning. They are those that were chosen just for us. They may or may not be what we dreamed or hoped in our minds. They may be older, faster, slower, louder, happier, sadder, taller, smaller, or more ill, more stubborn, more afraid or more hurt. They may be wore wise, more astute, more mature, or more intelligent. They may be more loving and more giving, more patient and more kind. More faithful, much stronger, more steadfast, and more sure.

My faith is in the knowing that while we are seeking our hearts desire, God is desiring our hearts to open and our faith to grow. That's not a lesson I'm giving to others, it is the lesson that I've learned for myself. This is not an easy path that we've chosen but it is our path. Everything that comes along the way is exactly what is meant for us. Trusting that is required.

I may wake up every morning with my mind on Ethiopia, but my faith lies in knowing that God's plan for me is far beyond anything that I could plan for myself. That's why I can't seem to understand every little twist and turn. Often I have to remind myself, it isn't about me anyway. It is about children who are hoping, dreaming, believing, praying and waiting.

FAITH OF THE CHILDREN
Maybe, just maybe God is working this whole thing out by their faith so it is the children's prayers that are being answered. Maybe they need one more day in the arms of nannies that have nursed them back to health. Maybe they want more time sitting at the table eating injera and doro wat. Maybe they need more time with parents, sisters and brothers that they will never see again and just need to feel the tender hands of grandparents that have to let them go. Maybe they need to hear how wonderful and special they are in their own language or play in the courtyards with friends who truly understand.

Maybe they are praying for parents that are strong enough, patient enough, committed enough, faithful enough, and loving enough. Maybe they are just not ready to leave the only place they've called home knowing that they may never return. Maybe they are afraid of what lies ahead or who is waiting for them. Maybe just maybe they want to fill their own hopes and dreams and not carry the weight of a country that hopes for them or parents that need them to close their own open holes. Maybe we can learn faith from them that have nothing, who can do nothing but trust all the adults that work on their behalf or have an abiding faith in their creator. Maybe just maybe it is not us that are waiting for them but they that are waiting for us to be prepared and not just ready or anxious.

Here is one of the songs that I listen to to keep me encouraged. The song is called, "Your Will" by Darius Brooks. One of the last lines in the song says, "I may not get everything that I want but I'm going to trust God every step of the way and he will lead me home."

What's Going On?

There has been a deep discussion on the big ET board about race. It's not the first and sure it won't be the last. It has; however, been much more reflective, thoughtful, and insightful than discussions that occurred months ago. I think that is good news. My contribution to the discussion was to make sure that the children see images of people who look like them reflected back to them. One (there were many) that I found surprising was from someone saying that it is good to see Barack Obama and that it is too bad that there are not more like him. They seem to be everywhere I look. My mother used to say that if you looked for something you would surely find something. So, we have to look.

I was checking out my friend Tami's blog and she has a post about the upcoming CNN special "Black In America." There is also a website that you might want to check out.

Tami also as highlighted the next issue of Vogue that has four black models on four different covers. What...? One is the beautiful Liya Kebede from Ethiopia. [background]

Well, I thought I would see Tami's four Vogue covers and raise her eight black men. Ebony is coming out with eight covers featuring prominent black men. I would have made a couple of different choices but don't they look good? Kind of makes you proud. The title of this post, "What's Going On" is of course a Marvin Gaye classic.

Working that List

Still working and waiting. Update from April 29 and June 9.

1. Clean the kids room down to the floor and walls. - Not yet. I'm close only furniture left to go. It is DONE!
   
   
2. Hold a garage sale. Let a hauler take away everything else. - This weekend. A couple of weeks ago. Made a few bucks.
   
   
3. Clean the carpet throughout the house. - Someday. Mmmmm
   This is DONE!
   
   
4. Paint the children's room and their bathroom. - Before I clean the carpet. Mmmmm
   Scheduled for tomorrow but I think I will hold off. I do have paint swatches hanging from the wall.
   
   
5. Clean their linen closet to the bare shelves. - Before I travel to Ethiopia. I did it!
   
   
6. Dry wall the garage it is an absolute child hazard as it is today. - Tomorrow. DONE!
   
   
7. Wishlist for shower. - Growing daily. I added a wish list link, I'm ready for the shower.
   
   
8. Begin purchasing things that they will need. (It's been hard holding off). Still hard. Shhh...I did buy a couple of things.
   
   
9. Plan the itenarary for me and my dads first visit to Ethiopia. - Can't even think about it. It's getting super close. Keeps changing!
   
   
10. Visit a couple of my final choices for schools. Make a choice. - The list has narrowed. This only changes based upon the kids ages.
    
    
11. Choose, order, purchase their bedroom furniture. - See below. Furniture has been ordered!
    
    
12. Decorate thier room - choose bedding, wall stuff all of that. - After furniture. I've chosen and written a post about it.
    

More Blogging Momma's

I think that I wrote my first blog post in October. I was inspired by all the blogs that I read. I went through them, read about agencies, read about the timelines and process. I learned so much from everyone else. Well, many of those mother's have their children home, many of us are waiting for referrals or travel. I thought it was time to add some new fresh momma's to my favorite blogs list.

Catrina is Blogging for a Little Girl
(Gladney)

Love Notes for the Coco Princess
(Gladney)
Ethiopian mommy writes letters to her little girl.

Follow This Ethiopian Journey

Andrea Found Her Ethiopian Princess
(Children's World - CWA)
Andrea's baby is home and I really enjoy reading her blog.

Kari and Ron's Girls Are Their Life
The kids are home and very, very cute!

Blogging With a Mummy's Heart
I love the reading about the process with the Canadian twist.

Kristine's Spontaneous Delight
(Wide Horizons - WHFC)
An interesting view of transracial adoption.

Robbin is the Baby Mama Drama Queen
(Gladney)
Follow her journey to Addis.

I Am My Sisters Keeper

I wanted to let you all know about an issue in Ethiopia that affects many women after childbirth. The condition is called obstetric fistula.

"Obstetric fistula was very common throughout the entire world but virtually disappeared within Europe and North America due to improvements in obstetrical care. To this day, the prevalence of obstetrical fistula is much lower in places that discourage early marriage, encourage and provide education of women and their bodies, and grant women access to family planning and skilled medical teams to assist during childbirth. This condition is still very prevalent in the developing world, especially in parts of Africa and much of South Asia (India, Bangladesh, Afghanistan, Pakistan, and Nepal)."

As many of us that walk through this road introduced to our children's birth country, we feel that we must do something to improve the lives of families left behind. Two adoptive mother's have created a fistula prevention fund called, "Rahel and Kennedy's Circle of Friends". They are raising money to pay for the services women will need in the Fistula hospital in Ethiopia.

Check out there site and make a donation. There are so many great causes and getting involved helps the wait.

Below is Part 1 of the video series.

Video Part 2
Video Part 3

Record Breaking Day

Was it something in the water or was it something I said? I have a stat counter that records the number of visits to my blog. Yesterday there were 225 visitors that viewed 590 pages! I think on average there are about 50 visitors and depending on what's going on and the amount of trouble I'm getting in on the forums the count may rise over 150 people.

I remember seeing the count rise so quickly yesterday and wondered if I would break 500. But, 590 page views...that is a record! 150 of those were first time readers -- welcome!

My friend Grace set her own record this week by writing her 300th post. She is trying to do some great things for the Ethio adoption community and wants to collect 100 comments. Drop by and help her reach her goal.

Thanks to all of the readers!

Fly Away to You

I found this dusty Shanice Wilson CD, yes CD, this weekend. So, I put the DJ back in the booth to send out track #5 to all the waiting mothers and fathers.

If I had wings I'd fly away. I'd let the stars just guide the way, right to you. Don't care if this journey takes all night. Oh, how my heart longs to be with you. I thought I would share with you my dreams, I'm still missing you. But, instead of just writing you, I'll spread my wings and fly like an angel to you. I'll spread my wings like an eagle and fly straight to you. Loves going to bring our souls together.




You do remember Shanice don't you? I found this video of her singing "Home" at 8 years old. Here is hoping all the children are home soon. Too cute! (The intro is little long). You know, from The Wiz.

Ethio Adoption Polls

Make sure to cast your vote in the current poll on choosing names. My goal is 100 votes per poll but I've not hit that mark yet.

This is one of several polls that I've run on Ethiopian adoption but just realized that I never posted the poll results. So, here they are. You can still vote in the open polls. You can also add the polls to your blog.

What Led to the Decision to Adopt? Vote

Of the 58 people who responded to the poll:

• 37% of the respondents said they felt a special calling.
• 18% said that adoption was a good option for singles that wanted to parent.
  
• 17% sited issues with infertility.

See Results
Add poll to your blog.

Was Ethiopia the first Choice?

Of the 69 people that participated in this poll:

• 40% said that Ethiopia was their first choice.
• 36% said that Ethiopia was their only choice.
• 11% chose another country before choosing Ethiopia.

See Results

What Was Most Important in Choosing Your Adoption Agency? Vote

There were 78 respondents and:

• 38% chose based upon a referral from a friend or reputation.
• 12% chose based upon cost and fees.

See Results.
Add poll to your blog.

Top 100 Ethio Names

This list comes form the Students of the World website.

Rank		First names		Rank	First names
1		helen		1	dawit
2		eden		2	solomon
3		tigist		3	mulugeta
4		Meron		4	DANIEL
5		RUTH		5	henok
6		meaza		6	yohannes
7		hiwot		7	yared
8		Selamawit		8	FITSUM
9		Selam		9	Mohammed
10		tsion		10	ashenafi
11		hanna		11	samson
12		tina		12	samuel
13		kalkidan		13	yonas
14		Mare		14	Addis
15		SARA		15	michael
16		kidist		16	Tesfaye
17		saba		17	eskinder
18		Nani		18	Getachew
19		lucy		19	kibrom
20		Mesi		20	Tewodros
21		genet		21	abiy
22		Tsedey		22	habtamu
23		mimi		23	biruk
24		mahlet		24	Eyob
25		meseret		25	bisrat
26		tadu		26	berhanu
27		Fana		27	Tilahun
28		sole		28	zelalem
29		Marta		29	Nebiyu
30		huda		30	elias
31		aden		31	behailu
32		soli		32	adane
33		Rode		33	TEDDY
34		Gelila		34	abubeker
35		SAMRAWIT		35	biniyam
36		Muna		36	tsegay
37		MELAT		37	Amanuel
38		Winta		38	Abrham
39		betty		39	ANTENEH
40		Bezawit		40	MESFIN
41		Firehiwot		41	million
42		leyikun		42	abebaw
43		kiya		43	sintayehu
44		HAYMANOT		44	micky
45		mekdes		45	Alemayehu
46		Mahelet		46	surafel
47		EYERUSALEM		47	ABEBE
48		abinet		48	abdu
49		meskerem		49	ermias
50		tseday		50	temesgen